100% Biker 139

100% Biker 139
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‘Ere, you know we were talking last issue about Christmas pressies last issue? Well, slightly dubious Christmas pressies anyway…

Well, what I didn’t tell you was what else I got – one o’ them Tron Legacy Light Cycle things in remote control form. It’s reet smart, it is – it’s got like a fan-thing inside that creates suction under the body of it and so you can switch it on and make it scoot about on your walls and ceiling an’ that. It’s right cool, so it is … well, as long as you’ve got flat walls and/or a flat ceiling. I, sadly, haven’t – I live in a house that’s old enough to have been lived in by Edmund Blackadder (although it has got better plumbing than the one he was trying to sell in series 2 …) and doesn’t have a flat surface practically anywhere in its entire environs. This means that my Light Cycle goes ‘whoosh’ forward about a foot and then ‘thud’ on the carpet. It doesn’t matter where I try it, that’s what it does – whoosh, thud … whoosh, thud … whoosh, thud. Bugger…

Anyway, dunno if you remember, but a few issues ago I was talking about that Mad Max II anniversary thing that’s going to be happening in Australia in March? Well, it’s on – after a nightmarish few weeks of trying to get info on how to temporarily import a bike into Oz (right up to the night before it was due to be loaded!), the Future Bike is, as you read this, bobbing its way across the Indian Ocean on its way to Port Kembla near Sydney where I’m due to meet it on March 8th (and then see how much trouble I get into with the Australian police who, it appears, aren’t overly keen in modified vehicles … ulp!). I’ve met (in an online sense) and had lots of help from a whole bunch of good folk over there via Facebook (including the actual guy who did the smoky donut and monster wheelie in the original ‘Mad Max’!) and while my credit card company may shortly be declaring Jihad on me, I’m really starting to look forward to the trip … even if it will be so far removed from anything I’ve previously done to be ever so slightly scary. Actually, having said that, the ‘scare’ thing hasn’t really sunk in … apart from when I think about how much debt I’m going to be in by the end of it. Thank God for nought percent credit card balance transfers, eh?

Oh yeah, and the other scary thing is how much work I’m going to have to do between now and March to ensure I keep you lot in bike and trike mags while I’m away too. I think me arse and the seat of this chair are going to need to be surgically separated by about the end of Feb … and, having implanted that slightly stomach-churning thought in your heads, I’m outta here.

See you next issue!