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Old 17-01-2013, 09:44 AM
deefer deefer is offline
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Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Berkshire boy at heart, now living in sunny Northants
Posts: 399
Default I fucking hate cold callers when I am at work

Yesterday I was working away in the shop rebuilding an engine & chatting shit to a mate of mine who had popped in for a cuppa when the phone went....

Me: Hello
Caller: Hello this is Ranjit from PRS, I am calling with reference to your public music license
Me: What?
Caller: By law you need a public music license to play music in a public place
Me: But my workshop is not a public place
Caller: Well you have customers coming in?
Me: I don't any customers (trying not to laugh)
Caller: You don't have any customers?
Me: No, I personally think the big bearded tattooed bloke who works here scares them away
Caller: Err OK, What about staff? you need a license if you are playing music and you have employees
Me: I don't have any employees
Caller: But I can here someone in the background
Me: Oh that's just the gimp climbing out of his box...He ain't staff he's my bitch
Caller:Err, what? The gimp???
Caller: um, err, Sorry about that..... So you don't have customers and you dont have staff?
Me: Yeah
Caller: But you do play music?
Me: No! (standing next to the stereo which is kicking out Combichrist at 100Db)
Caller: But I can hear music
Me: You can hear that?
Caller: Yes
Me: Thank fuck for that! I thought it was just in my head & the voices had returned, They tell me to do things you know, Awful things, wicked things.....ARRRGGGHHH THE VOICES ARE BACK!
Caller: Umm thank you for your time. CLICK and hangs up

Me and my mate piss ourselves with laughter for about 20 minutes
The Fat Maggot Clothing Company

Making bad taste look good!
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Old 17-01-2013, 12:53 PM
nine_of_diamonds nine_of_diamonds is offline
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Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 76

Good One That cheered me up
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Old 17-01-2013, 12:54 PM
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John Hopkins John Hopkins is offline
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Join Date: May 2006
Location: Tredegar, South Wales
Posts: 16,062

I have just found a brilliant answer to callers that I don't want..

Home bargains sell a big black phone with 1" square numbers on it for 6.99..one of the buttons at the top says HOLD..someone phones up and asks for me and I say I think he works on the third floor, then I press the HOLD button and the phone plays the most godawful doorbell type organ music very loud..a few seconds later I switch it off and if they are not gone I say I'm sorry he seems to have left the building can someone else help you..and they always hang up..

Beauty is skin deep; ugly goes right to the bone
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