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Old 17-01-2013, 09:44 AM
deefer deefer is offline
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Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Berkshire boy at heart, now living in sunny Northants
Posts: 399
Default I fucking hate cold callers when I am at work

Yesterday I was working away in the shop rebuilding an engine & chatting shit to a mate of mine who had popped in for a cuppa when the phone went....

Me: Hello
Caller: Hello this is Ranjit from PRS, I am calling with reference to your public music license
Me: What?
Caller: By law you need a public music license to play music in a public place
Me: But my workshop is not a public place
Caller: Well you have customers coming in?
Me: I don't any customers (trying not to laugh)
Caller: You don't have any customers?
Me: No, I personally think the big bearded tattooed bloke who works here scares them away
Caller: Err OK, What about staff? you need a license if you are playing music and you have employees
Me: I don't have any employees
Caller: But I can here someone in the background
Me: Oh that's just the gimp climbing out of his box...He ain't staff he's my bitch
Caller:Err, what? The gimp???
Me: Yeah the Gimp, DON'T YOU FUCKING JUDGE ME ON MY SEXUAL PREFERENCE!!!
Caller: um, err, Sorry about that..... So you don't have customers and you dont have staff?
Me: Yeah
Caller: But you do play music?
Me: No! (standing next to the stereo which is kicking out Combichrist at 100Db)
Caller: But I can hear music
Me: You can hear that?
Caller: Yes
Me: Thank fuck for that! I thought it was just in my head & the voices had returned, They tell me to do things you know, Awful things, wicked things.....ARRRGGGHHH THE VOICES ARE BACK!
Caller: Umm thank you for your time. CLICK and hangs up

Me and my mate piss ourselves with laughter for about 20 minutes
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Old 17-01-2013, 12:53 PM
nine_of_diamonds nine_of_diamonds is offline
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Posts: 76
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Good One That cheered me up
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Old 17-01-2013, 12:54 PM
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John Hopkins John Hopkins is offline
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Join Date: May 2006
Location: Tredegar, South Wales
Posts: 16,062
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I have just found a brilliant answer to callers that I don't want..

Home bargains sell a big black phone with 1" square numbers on it for 6.99..one of the buttons at the top says HOLD..someone phones up and asks for me and I say I think he works on the third floor, then I press the HOLD button and the phone plays the most godawful doorbell type organ music very loud..a few seconds later I switch it off and if they are not gone I say I'm sorry he seems to have left the building can someone else help you..and they always hang up..

John.
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