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  #1  
Old 15-08-2006, 01:36 PM
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Default Never will understand women, but ...

I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so much.

And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart. FOR EXAMPLE: One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed.

Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says "I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me."
I said "WHAT??!! What was that?!"
So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear... "You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man."

She responded to my puzzled look by saying, "Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?"
Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.

The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very
>> >expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take so I told her we'd just buy them all.

She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said lets get a pair for each outfit. We went onto the jewellery department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you...she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis. I think I threw her for a loop when I said, "That's fine, honey."

She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation she finally said, "I think this is all dear, let's go to the cashier." I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No honey, I don't feel like it."

Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled "WHAT?"
I then said "honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman." And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, "Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?"

Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either....but at least that bitch knows I'm smarter than her.
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  #2  
Old 17-08-2006, 09:18 PM
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absolultly superb
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Old 23-08-2006, 06:58 PM
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Very funny,
but..............



We do have ways to certainly make you pay in the end hun, so maybe you aint as smart as you think............
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Old 23-08-2006, 07:10 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Juke
Very funny,
but..............



We do have ways to certainly make you pay in the end hun, so maybe you aint as smart as you think............
aww dont burst his bubble.............. bless him. They more they belive the more fun it is when the bubble does finally burst!




* just gotta add - I aint really anti men - i love em, but you can only train so many at a time.
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Old 23-08-2006, 08:16 PM
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Quote:
* just gotta add - I aint really anti men - i love em, but you can only train so many at a time.
PMSL @ Muddi


[proud mode]Thats my little sis that is[proud mode]
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Old 23-08-2006, 08:57 PM
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Good lass lol
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Old 23-08-2006, 08:59 PM
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I see there are other females who think just like me on here...

I be feeling at home already!


I owe it all to my big sis!!!


any complaints please see her!
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Old 23-08-2006, 09:00 PM
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Why do I feel that I should be very afraid?????
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Old 23-08-2006, 09:02 PM
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hah



M
Aint got no cauldron
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Old 23-08-2006, 09:04 PM
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<strokes pyro gently on his head, and gives a tender kiss to forhead>

ssshhhh baby, sshhhhhhhh its ok....... I wont hurt you hunni, dont be afraid..........



be VERY afraid mwhaahh mwhhaaahhaaa
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Old 23-08-2006, 09:04 PM
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We like to let you think your in control...
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Old 23-08-2006, 09:31 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Muddi.
<strokes pyro gently on his head, and gives a tender kiss to forhead>

ssshhhh baby, sshhhhhhhh its ok....... I wont hurt you hunni, dont be afraid..........



be VERY afraid mwhaahh mwhhaaahhaaa
Looks up and gazes into Muddi's eye's (god she's taller than I thought)... "are you my ex wife?"

Then runs like feck.
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Old 23-08-2006, 09:34 PM
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Default Men and Women

I think the reason men and women have different sex drives, is that the man wants to try and get as many in as he can before he gets to the red light, A woman starts in neutral, doestn't over rev. the engine because she likes to make it last, the man just wants to race, Thats why more male bikers take a test ride than female bikers, Hell biking is a mans world with a few women in it. And NO girls I don't want to race. And yes I admit it, sometimes I do have trouble getting it up...on the centre stand, but even you have to admit there are not a lot of you...There are even some male bikers in their seventies, do any of you know a female biker in her seventies,

underground overground waffleing free! John
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Old 23-08-2006, 09:37 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by pyro
(god she's taller than I thought)... "are you my ex wife?"

Then runs like feck.
Your a feckin dwarf then???
Mind you I like my men very very short!
but we wont go into that on here!!
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Old 23-08-2006, 09:39 PM
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Time for your medication, John. You've been spending too much time with those ferrets.

A lady I know is well into her 70's and was one of the original local crew who used to ride out to The Ace back in the day. She told me of how they bet her she wouldnt do 100mph up the old London Road (A1) for like sixpence or whatever (not good on old ) and she did it. Told me she shat herself nearly but she did it. Good old gal.

So ner.
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Old 23-08-2006, 09:41 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Muddi.
Your a feckin dwarf then???
Mind you I like my men very very short!
but we wont go into that on here!!
Moi? A dwarf? nope thats Ernies job, I'm an average height, average weight, average age....hang on Im fecking boring!!!! Time to go burn something
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Old 23-08-2006, 09:43 PM
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Quote:
any complaints please see her!
Hey ............ I have been extremely good whilst I have been on here ..... I think that I have finally lulled them all into a false sense of security. pmsl.

I think you might need to put the poor pyro down for a minute, he is shaking cos he is scared, and rightly so.
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Old 23-08-2006, 09:45 PM
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Quote:
Mind you I like my men very very short!
A girl needs somewhere to rest her pint during foreplay. lol.
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Old 23-08-2006, 09:49 PM
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Default Little old lady

Quote:
Originally Posted by minxy
Time for your medication, John. You've been spending too much time with those ferrets.

A lady I know is well into her 70's and was one of the original local crew who used to ride out to The Ace back in the day. She told me of how they bet her she wouldnt do 100mph up the old London Road (A1) for like sixpence or whatever (not good on old ) and she did it. Told me she shat herself nearly but she did it. Good old gal.

So ner.
Ok shot down in flames again..but little old ladies who are seventy plus will do anything for sixpence..and anyway if it was back in the days of sixpence she was only in her 30s..so ner back at you! John
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Old 23-08-2006, 09:50 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by excaliburs missus
A girl needs somewhere to rest her pint during foreplay. lol.

exactly!!

nice one minxy, hope i have her balls when im that age!
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Old 23-08-2006, 09:51 PM
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Quote:
but little old ladies who are seventy plus will do anything for sixpence.
PMSL ............. wont ask what you get up to at the weekends then. lol
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Old 23-08-2006, 09:55 PM
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Default weekends?

Quote:
Originally Posted by excaliburs missus
PMSL ............. wont ask what you get up to at the weekends then. lol
what do you mean weekends, I'm not dead yet, there are five other days to my week! I'm still a stud...just a bit rusty, trodden on, battered, and not worth a light........BUT STILL A STUD..... John
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Old 23-08-2006, 09:59 PM
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I'm trodden on, battered, and not worth a light.......
hey my sorta guy!! Or thats how they seem to end up anyways!
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Old 23-08-2006, 10:01 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by excaliburs missus
PMSL ............. wont ask what you get up to at the weekends then. lol
You know what the really scary thing is? I just had exactly the same thought.

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Old 23-08-2006, 10:11 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Muddi.
Your a feckin dwarf then???
Mind you I like my men very very short!
but we wont go into that on here!!

You called
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  #26  
Old 23-08-2006, 10:12 PM
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#Go Ernie, Go Ernie#

nod nod, wink wink

lol
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  #27  
Old 23-08-2006, 10:15 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by minxy
#Go Ernie, Go Ernie#

nod nod, wink wink

lol
.............
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  #28  
Old 23-08-2006, 10:42 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Muddi.
exactly!!

nice one minxy, hope i have her balls when im that age!

Minxy aint that old have to ask jester bout the balls tho..
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  #29  
Old 24-08-2006, 06:15 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Muddi.
exactly!!

nice one minxy, hope i have her balls when im that age!
????????????????????????????????????????

Ooer! I hope you aren't one of them TV thingies?
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Old 24-08-2006, 06:16 AM
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just worried for Pyro's sake! you understand?
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