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Old 11-10-2005, 06:33 PM
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Bassman Bassman is offline
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Default 3am...

Apologies if this has been on here before....


A man and his wife are awakened at 3 o'clock in the morning by a loud
pounding on the door........
The man gets up and goes to the door where a drunken stranger,
standing in the pouring rain, is asking for a push.

"Not a chance," says the husband, "It's three o'clock in the
morning."
He slams the door and returns to bed.

"Who was that?" asked his wife.

"Just some drunk guy asking for a push," he answers.

"Did you help him?" she asked.

"No. I did not. It is three o'clock in the morning and it is pouring
rain outside!!."

His wife said, "Don't you remember about three months ago when we
broke down and those two guys helped us?
I think you should help him, and you should be ashamed of yourself!"

The man does as he is told (of course!), gets dressed and goes out
into the pouring rain. He calls out into the dark, "Hello! Are you still
there?"

"Yes," comes back the answer.

"Do you still need a push?" calls out the husband.

"Yes! Please!" comes the reply from the darkness.

"Where are you?" asks the husband.





"Over here on the swing!!" replies the drunk.



GET ME A RABBIT!!


The SAS, the Parachute Regiment and the Police decide to go on a survival weekend together to see who comes out on top. After some basic exercises the trainer tells them that their next objective is to go down into the woods and catch a rabbit for their supper, returning with it ready to skin and cook. ----- Night falls. First up - the SAS. They don infrared goggles, drop to the ground and crawl into the woods in formation. Absolute silence for 5 minutes, followed by the unmistakable muffled "phut-phut" of their trademark silenced "double-tap". They emerge with a large rabbit shot cleanly between the eyes. "Excellent!" remarks the trainer. ------- Next up - the Para's. They finish their cans of lager, smear themselves with camouflage cream, fix bayonets and charge down into the woods, screaming at the top of their lungs. For the next hour the woods ring with the sound of rifle and machine-gun fire, hand grenades, mortar bombs and blood curdling war cries. Eventually they emerge, carrying the charred remains of a rabbit. "A bit messy, but you achieved the aim; well done", says the trainer. --------- Lastly, in go the coppers, walking slowly, hands behind backs whistling Dixon of Dock Green. For the next few hours, the silence is only broken by the occasional crackle of a walkie-talkie "Sierra Lima Whisky Tango Fanta One, suspect headed straight for you..." etc. After what seems an eternity, they emerge escorting a squirrel in handcuffs. "What the hell do you think you are doing?" asks the incredulous trainer, "Take this squirrel back and get me a rabbit like I asked you five hours ago!". So back they go. Minutes pass, minutes turn to hours, night drags on and turns to day. -------- The next morning, the trainer and the other teams are awakened by the police, holding the handcuffed squirrel, now covered in bruises, one eye nearly shut. "Are you taking the p*ss!!??" asks the now seriously irate trainer. The police team leader nudges the squirrel, who squeaks: "Alright, alright, I'm a f*cking rabbit!"

Last edited by Bassman; 11-10-2005 at 06:35 PM.
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Old 11-10-2005, 06:40 PM
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rommel rommel is offline
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lol.......................
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Old 11-10-2005, 06:43 PM
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where in god's name do you find these god awful joke's?
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Old 11-10-2005, 08:16 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by krammer
where in god's name do you find these god awful joke's?

they are from the Krammer joke book are they not
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Old 11-10-2005, 10:42 PM
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they take a lot of finding...
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Old 11-10-2005, 10:56 PM
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most are buried and forgotton

made i smile
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Old 12-10-2005, 03:32 AM
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Default No joke

sorry .... not very entertaining am I
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