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Old 28-12-2005, 02:05 PM
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Default the ant and the grasshopper

The Ant & the Grasshopper

CLASSIC VERSION:

The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his
house
and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks he's a
fool,
and laughs and dances and plays the summer away. Come winter, the ant
is
warm and well fed. The shivering grasshopper has no food or shelter, so
he
dies out in the cold.

THE END

THE BRITISH VERSION:

The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his
house
and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks he's a
fool,
and laughs and dances and plays the summer away. Come winter, the ant
is
warm and well fed.

So far, so good, eh?

The shivering grasshopper calls a press conference and demands to know
why
the ant should be allowed to be warm and well fed while others less
fortunate, like him, are cold and starving. The BBC shows up to provide
live
coverage of the shivering grasshopper, with cuts to a video of the ant
in
his comfortable warm home in Hampstead with a table laden with food.

The British are stunned that in a country of such wealth, this poor
grasshopper is allowed to suffer so much whilst others have plenty. The
Liberal Party, the Respect Party, the Transvestites With Starving
Babies
Party and the Coalition Against Poverty demonstrate in front of the
ant's
house.

The BBC, interrupting an Rastafarian cultural festival special from
Grimsby,
with breaking news, broadcasts them singing "We Shall Overcome." Ken
Livingstone laments in an interview with Panorama that the ant has got
rich
off the backs of grasshoppers, and calls for an immediate tax hike on
the
ant to make him pay his "fair share". In response, the Labour
Government
drafts the Economic Equity and Grasshopper Anti-Discrimination Act,
retroactively to the beginning of the summer. The ant's taxes are
reassessed, and he is also fined for failing to hire grasshoppers as
helpers.

Without enough money to pay the fine and his newly imposed retroactive
taxes, his home is confiscated by Camden Council.

The ant, who is now pissed off, moves to France, and starts a
successful
agribiz company funded by the EU. The BBC later shows the now fat
grasshopper finishing up the last of the ant's food, though Spring is
still
months away, while the government house he is in, which just happens to
be
the ant's old house, crumbles around him because he hasn't bothered to
maintain it.

Inadequate government funding is blamed, Diane Abbot is appointed to
head a
commission of enquiry that will cost £10,000,000. The grasshopper is
soon
dead of a drug overdose, the Guardian blames it on the obvious failure
of
government to address the causes of despair arising from social
inequity.
The abandoned house is taken over by a gang of immigrant spiders,
praised by
the government for enriching Britain's multicultural diversity, who
promptly
set up a marijuana growing operations and terrorize the community.

THE END
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