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Old 14-12-2017, 05:48 PM
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Sir Ewok Sir Ewok is offline
Talk, Type, Breath, Talk, Type, Breath....
 
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Wherever I damn well Please
Posts: 7,892
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Naked man arrives at a fancy dress with a girl on his back
"I'm a turtle" he says
Oh.. Who's on your back?
"That's Michelle" he replies

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Last year I left my Christmas shopping too late and ended up getting it all done at a petrol station on Christmas morning.
I thought the limited selection would leave me in the shit but my 17-year-old daughter squealed with delight when she opened her ‘L’ plates and ran over to hug me.
I don’t know why she went out to look on the driveway though.

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A man's life is like a lush, green meadow.
It's a beautiful thing until some cow comes along and shits all over it.

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Our young son has been crying a lot at night, so my wife asked me to go out and get a baby monitor for him.
But he seems even more freaked out now with the big lizard crawling all over him...

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I'm not sure what's worse.
Women who make you try and figure out what's bothering them?
Or the women who actually tell you.

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What weighs 8lbs and won't be plucked this Christmas?
At this rate, Chris Rea's guitar.

...............

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