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Old 20-08-2013, 11:22 PM
wiskers wiskers is offline
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Default Why haven't we got a humour section

https://fbcdn-sphotos-b-a.akamaihd.n...51820781_n.jpg

For shit like this
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  #2  
Old 21-08-2013, 08:49 AM
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Biker Buster Biker Buster is offline
It's about time I shut the fuck up!
 
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Brilliant..
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Old 21-08-2013, 10:57 AM
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kidhaf kidhaf is offline
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I got invited to a party and was told to dress to kill. Apparently a turban, beard and a backpack wasn't what they had in mind.

After a night of drink, drugs and wild sex, I woke up to find myself next to a really ugly woman. That's when he realised I had made it home safely.

Paddy says to Mick, "Christmas is on Friday this year". Mick said, "Let's hope it's not the 13th then."

My mate just hired an Eastern European cleaner, took her 15 hours to Hoover the house. Turns out she was a Slovak.

Since the snow came all the wife has done is look through the window. If it gets any worse, I'll have to let her in.

I've been charged with murder for killing a man with sandpaper. To be honest I only intended to rough him up a bit.

After years of research, scientists have discovered what makes women happy.
Nothing.

Just had my water bill of £175 drop on my mat. That's a lot. Oxfam can supply a whole African village for just £2 a month: time to change supplier I think.

Two women called at my door and asked what bread I ate, when I said white they gave me a lecture on the benefits of brown bread for 30 minutes.
I think they were those Hovis Witnesses.

Seven wheelchair athletes have been banned from the Paralympics after they tested positive for WD40.

A mummy covered in chocolate and nuts has been discovered in Egypt .
Archaeologists believe it may be Pharaoh Roche...

Just A Reminder to those who stole Electrical Goods in Last Year's Riots....Your One Year Manufacturer's Warranty Runs Out Soon.

ITS A BOY" I shouted "A BOY, I DON'T BELIEVE IT, ITS A BOY"
And with tears streaming down my face I swore I'd never visit another Thai Brothel!!!

Two Indian junkies accidentally snorted curry powder instead of cocaine.
Both in hospital...one's in a korma.. The other's got a dodgy tikka!

In the first few days of the Olympics the Romanians took gold, silver, bronze, copper & lead.

Sailing results are in, GB took gold, USA took silver and Somalia took a Middle aged couple from Weymouth.

An Scotsman has started his own business in Afghanistan! He is making land Mines that look like prayer mats! Itís doing well! Prophets are going through the roof!!

Japanese scientists have created a camera with a shutter speed so fast, they can now photograph a woman with her mouth shut.

A boy asks his granny, 'Have you seen my pills, they were labelled LSD?'
Granny replies, blow the pills, have you seen the dragons in the kitchen?!

A woman standing nude in front of a mirror says to her husband: 'I look horrible, I feel fat and ugly, pay me a compliment.'
He replies, 'Your eyesight is perfect.'

Wife gets naked and asks hubby, 'What turns you on more, my pretty face or my sexy body?'
Hubby looks her up and down and replies, 'Your sense of humour!
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Old 21-08-2013, 12:54 PM
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Talk, Type, Breath, Talk, Type, Breath....
 
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Katie Price went to the doctor before the birth of Jett and says that she was worried the baby might get stuck in the birth canal and have a difficult birth.

'I've looked at your Vagina, Miss Price, and I can catagorically state that, based on the size of Said Vagina, the baby will probably walk it.' he said.

'That's a relief' she said.........






















'Yes, ' The doctor added, 'But a grown man would probably have to stoop.'
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