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Old 08-12-2011, 08:00 PM
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John Hopkins John Hopkins is offline
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Default Nuts

A guy walks into a bar and notices he's the only one there, apart from the barkeep, who's on the phone. The barkeep signals him that he'll be with him in a minute. The guy nods and bellies up to the bar to wait. Suddenly, he hears a little voice say, "Hey, you're looking pretty sharp today. New suit?"

The guy looks around but can't see anyone else in the place. He hears the voice again. "Seriously...you are looking good, chum. Have you lost weight?"

The guy looks around again and still doesn't see anyone. "Hello?" he asks. "Is someone speaking to me?"

"You bet! I just had to say that I thought you were looking just super!" A bunch of other tiny voices suddenly rose in agreement.

The guy realizes now that these voices are coming from a bowl of peanuts on the bar in front of him. He stares at them as the barkeep finally hangs up and comes to serve his only customer.

"What'll you have?" asks the barkeep.

"What?... Oh, a pint of ale, I guess", mutters the guy, still staring at the nuts.

He finally looks up at the barkeep drawing his pint. "What's the deal with these nuts?" he asks.

The barkeep brings the guy's pint over and sets it before him. "They're complimentary", he shrugs.
Beauty is skin deep; ugly goes right to the bone
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Old 08-12-2011, 09:48 PM
PeteHaddock PeteHaddock is offline
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after recieving his pint he sits down to enjoy it when he hears a different voice shouting "you look like a dick in that shirt, and who cut your hair stevie wonder?" shocked, the man turns to the bar keeper who shugs and says don't mind that, its the fruit machine, its out of order!
Remember when sex was safe and motorcycles were dangerous?
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Old 09-12-2011, 08:10 AM
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Friar Tuck Friar Tuck is offline
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Does my belly look big in this?
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Old 11-12-2011, 09:31 PM
Mortis Mortis is offline
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I was working in a bar when a woman walked and asked for a double entendre. So I gave her one.
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Old 12-12-2011, 12:08 PM
chedd chedd is offline
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Originally Posted by Mortis View Post
I was working in a bar when a woman walked and asked for a double entendre. So I gave her one.
now thats FUNNY!!!!!
the cheesemakers shall inherit the world!
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