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Old 07-01-2010, 09:41 PM
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kidhaf kidhaf is offline
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Default Bombers on Strike

Did you know that British suicide bombers are set to begin a three-day strike on Monday, in a dispute over the amount of virgins they are entitled to in the afterlife. Emergency talks with Al Qaeda management have so far failed to produce an agreement?.

The unrest began last Tuesday when Al Qaeda announced that, from next January, the number of virgins a suicide bomber would receive after his death will be cut by 25% from 72 to only 54. The rationale for the cut was the increase in recent years of the number of suicide bombings and a consequent shortage of virgins in the afterlife.

The suicide bombers' union, the British Organization of Occupational Martyrs (or B.O.O.M.), responded with a statement that this was unacceptable to its members and immediately balloted for strike action.
General Secretary Abdullah Amir told the press, "Our members are literally working themselves to death for the cause. We don't ask for much in return and to be treated like this by management is a kick in the teeth."

Mr Amir accepted the limited availability of virgins, but pointed out that the cutbacks were expected to be borne entirely by the workforce and not by management. "Last Christmas Abu Hamza alone was awarded an annual bonus of 2,500 virgins," complains Amir. "and you can be sure they'll all be pretty ones too. How can Al Qaeda afford that for members of management but not 72 for the people who do the real work?"

Speaking from his current residence, a shed in the West Midlands , Al Qaeda chief executive Osama bin Laden explained, "We sympathise with our workers' concerns but Al Qaeda is simply not in a position to meet their demands. They are simply not accepting the realities of modern-day jihad, in a competitive marketplace. Thanks to western depravity, there is now a chronic shortage of virgins in the afterlife. It's a straight choice between reducing expenditure and laying off people. I don't like cutting wages but I'd hate to have to tell 3,000 of my staff that they won't be able to blow themselves up."
He defended management bonuses by claiming these were necessary to attract good fanatical clerics. "How am I supposed to attract the best people if I can't compete with the private sector?" asked Mr. Bin-Laden.

Talks broke down this morning after management's last-ditch proposal of a virgin-sharing scheme was rejected outright. Bombers are also leaving in droves after seeing the YouTube clip of Susan Boyle, saying that they didn't realise that that was what a virgin looked like.
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