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Old 25-08-2007, 03:34 PM
haystax haystax is offline
Need to Get out More!
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: notts
Posts: 470
Default Silly these made me chuckle

> > 1. Two blondes walk into a building..........you'd think at
> >least one of them would have seen it.
> >
> > 2. Phone answering machine message - "...If you want to buy
> >marijuana, press the hash key..."
> >
> > 3. A guy walks into the psychiatrist wearing only Clingfilm for
> >shorts. The shrink says, "Well, I can clearly see you're nuts."
> >
> > 4. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I
> >couldn't find any.
> >
> > 5. I went to the butchers the other day and I bet him 50 quid
> >that he couldn't reach the meat off the top shelf. He said, No, the
> steaks are too high."
> >
> > 6. My friend drowned in a bowl of muesli. A strong currant
> >pulled him in.
> >
> > 7. A man came round in hospital after a serious accident. He
> >shouted, "Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!" The doctor replied, "I
> >know you can't, I've cut your arms off".
> >
> > 8. I went to a seafood disco last week...and pulled a muscle.
> >
> > 9. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly. They lit a fire
> >in the craft, it sank, proving once and for all that you can't have
> your kayak and heat it.
> >
> > 10. Our ice cream man was found lying on the floor of his van
> >covered with hundreds and thousands. Police say that he topped himself.
> > 11. Man goes to the doctor, with a strawberry growing out of his
> >head. Doc says "I'll give you some cream to put on it."
> >
> > 12. 'Doc I can't stop singing The Green, Green Grass of Home'
> >"That soundslike Tom Jones syndrome. 'Is it common?' "It's not
> unusual."
> >
> > 13. A man takes his Rotteweiller to the vet. "My dog is
> >cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him?"
> > "Well," said the vet, "let's have a look at him" So he picks the
> >dog up and examines his eyes, then he checks his teeth. Finally, he
> says, "I'm going to have to put him down." "What? Because he's
> >cross-eyed?" "No, because he's really heavy"
> >
> > 14. Guy goes into the doctor's. "Doc, I've got a cricket ball
> >stuck up my backside." "How's that?" "Don't you start."
> >
> > 15. Two elephants walk off a cliff...boom, boom!
> >
> > 16. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.
> >
> > 17. So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me "Can
> >you give me a lift?" I said "Sure, you look great, the world's your
> oyster, go for it.'
> >
> > 18. Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. There
> >are 5 people in my family, so it must be one of them. It's either my
> mum or my Dad, or my older Brother Colin, or my younger Brother
> >Ho-Cha-Chu? But I think its Colin.
> >
> > 19. Two fat blokes in a pub, one says to the other "Your round."
> >The other one says "So are you, you fat bast**d!"
> >
> > 20. Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery
> >acid, and the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the
> other one off.
> >
> > 21. "You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving
> >today. They left a little note on the windscreen. It said, 'Parking
> Fine.'
> >So that was nice."
> >
> > 22. A man walked into the doctors, he said, "I've hurt my arm in
> >several places" The doctor said, "Well don't go there anymore"
> >
> > 23. Ireland's worst air disaster occurred early this morning
> >when a small two-seater Cessna plane crashed into a cemetery. Irish
> search and rescue workers have recovered 1826 bodies so far and expect
> that number to climb as digging continues into the night
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Old 26-08-2007, 06:16 AM
Friar Tuck's Avatar
Friar Tuck Friar Tuck is offline
Super Moderator
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Brothertoft, Lincolngrad!
Posts: 12,585

Classic Tommy Cooper jokes they are.
Does my belly look big in this?
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Old 26-08-2007, 09:06 AM
Hillbilly Deluxe's Avatar
Hillbilly Deluxe Hillbilly Deluxe is offline
It's about time I shut the fuck up!
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Glasvegas
Posts: 1,708
Default joke

a blonde discoveres a fire in her house ,and immediately calls the fire brigade,the guy on the other end of the phone say's "how do we get to your house ?" to which the blonde replies "duhh in the big red truck"
I dont need therapy,everyone else does.
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