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  #1  
Old 20-08-2007, 03:57 PM
cherryB cherryB is offline
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Default Lottery

Well Guys I've won Yep I told my hub, dont worry hun, one day I'll win and I sure have - just had an email from Lottery to say yep babe you won - twice on one day.

Now I would really like to say that I'd won 35 mil and I'd sure share it with you all on here, but sadly it aint 35 mil, it aint 5 mil and it aint even 1 mil in fact it aint even the amount I put on in the first place. So sorry peeps, you'll have to wait another week.
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  #2  
Old 20-08-2007, 03:59 PM
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Not a good time to ask to borrow a tenner then?
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Old 20-08-2007, 04:10 PM
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More then i won
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Old 20-08-2007, 04:23 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Shifty
Not a good time to ask to borrow a tenner then?
could manage a tenner but thats it I'm afraid
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Old 20-08-2007, 06:17 PM
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a wanker i used to know needed help one day (he was a mate then admittedly an annoying one but a mate none the less) so i want out to help him ,(this was in the days when i did the lottery [or wanker tax as i now know it ])he promised me blind he'd be back in time for me to put me quid on. were we back?like buggery..... missed the fekker by minutes ,all due to this dicks mithering.....whilst being pissed off in the shop i thought i could easily get him back,so i took a lottery sheet and a pen and hid it in me pocket.
when we got to his he buggered of to the offy to buy me "all the beer i cold drink" this turned out to be a fekking 4 pack of dudweasel of all the nasty pissy stuff he could have bought me

now my thoughts turned to revenge.... i remembered the sheet and pen while sad act went the bog and i hit the teletext and copied the numbers(well 5 and the bonus ball to me that looked more belivable ) onto the sheet i then crumpled it up and put it with the vast array of hole in the wall and petrol receipts in my pocket

as the night progressed the conversation was steered towards the lottery and i got this feller to look up the numbers on the lottery.........

YOU TWAAATshouts i as i begin to eff and blind at dik'ead for costing me 350,000 quid...ahem...i show him a "previous" ticket i got out of my pocket....

matey was mortified and went ot he got me a big bottle of glenfiddich and from that day on i used to remind him about it when i fancied a free pint....

thing is every other bugger we knew knew the real story(including the guys own brother) and no one ever told him....


ANDY JOHNSON WHERE ARE YOU????
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  #6  
Old 20-08-2007, 06:35 PM
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That is a truly evil thing to do, well done mate.
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Old 20-08-2007, 08:25 PM
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done the same sort of thing to the local pisshead in the pub, he left his ticket on the bar and went outside for a smoke and asked us to take the numbers down, me being a bastard of a barman, took his 6 numbers and jumbled them up on a scrap piece of paper.....he had his smoke and came back, ordered another beer and asked for the results, so i gave him the scrap paper they 'were' written on and.....


'fuckin hell, i have got a number lads'
'yeah baby, i have 2 now.....'
' fuck me, i've wone a tenner'
( i am now looking away and starting to grin )
'fuck me fuck me never had 4 numbers, got to worth a ton'
'jesus fuckin christ....i have got 5 fuckin numbers'

( leaping around the pub, getting people to check his numbers )


'FUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCKKKKKKIIIINNNN HHHHHHHHHHEEEEEELLLLLSSSSS BBBBEEEEELLLLLSSSSSSS, I AM MINTED, I AM A MILLIONAIRE'

( Runs out of the half moon in kempston screaming his head off'


well, all should have ended all and well there, but it did'nt

our 'manm' decides to go and celebrate royally in town and gets knicked for his troubles, ie trying to fight with everyone after his mate gives him the proper results and he realises that he has in fact won FUCK ALL

o how we laughed
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Old 20-08-2007, 10:01 PM
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this was cruel...............very cruel................and nasty



















but hell it it made me laugh
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  #9  
Old 20-08-2007, 10:14 PM
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couple of weeks back, my negihbor saw me outside and asked if I had heard his good news, knew he was trying for anohter kiddy with his wife so assumes she was pregnant, nope they had won the lottery!!!

he had never done lottery before, the guy he works with was going to the shop across the road from his work, said did he want anyhitng, and said yeah get me a lucky dip, matey comes back with 2 and tells him to pick one, oh dear yup the one my neighbor picked was a 6 number jobby and the other had 0 numbers from the draw!!

first ever go and wins!!!
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  #10  
Old 20-08-2007, 10:20 PM
cherryB cherryB is offline
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wow - how lucky was that............ I never win anything, I have to work for everything I want

But never mind fair play to the woman who won 35 mil and she said she is going to give a lot to charity.
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  #11  
Old 20-08-2007, 10:37 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by devon-tony
couple of weeks back, my negihbor saw me outside and asked if I had heard his good news, knew he was trying for anohter kiddy with his wife so assumes she was pregnant, nope they had won the lottery!!!

he had never done lottery before, the guy he works with was going to the shop across the road from his work, said did he want anyhitng, and said yeah get me a lucky dip, matey comes back with 2 and tells him to pick one, oh dear yup the one my neighbor picked was a 6 number jobby and the other had 0 numbers from the draw!!

first ever go and wins!!!
hope he gave the other guy half

bet he fekkin didnt
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  #12  
Old 20-08-2007, 10:43 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by critch
hope he gave the other guy half

bet he fekkin didnt
I bet he's bulshítting...........
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  #13  
Old 20-08-2007, 11:01 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Grav
I bet he's bulshítting...........
is it the same cunt who offered me the lifegaurd job????
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  #14  
Old 21-08-2007, 12:53 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by cherryB
wow - how lucky was that............ I never win anything, I have to work for everything I want

But never mind fair play to the woman who won 35 mil and she said she is going to give a lot to charity.
If she does that will make some accountant a millionaire... John
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  #15  
Old 21-08-2007, 09:56 AM
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Hmmm CBee rushing off to do accountancy course >>>>>>>>>>>>>>
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  #16  
Old 21-08-2007, 12:12 PM
devon-tony devon-tony is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by critch
hope he gave the other guy half

bet he fekkin didnt
nope didnt even buy him a drink!!!

hes already moved house, bought a huge place a few miles away, big 4x4 and new car etc, but all credit to him hes still working in the bookies where he was working, and aside from all his new toys, hes still pretty much the same person he was
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  #17  
Old 21-08-2007, 12:57 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by cherryB
wow - how lucky was that............ I never win anything, I have to work for everything I want

But never mind fair play to the woman who won 35 mil and she said she is going to give a lot to charity.
Hello My new names Charity
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  #18  
Old 21-08-2007, 01:12 PM
cherryB cherryB is offline
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Ahah and if I'd won 35 mil you would be top of my list hun, but sdaly £15 dont go very far
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Old 21-08-2007, 01:45 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by devon-tony
, hes still pretty much the same person he was

wot? a fekkin tightwad?
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  #20  
Old 21-08-2007, 05:36 PM
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I was interviewing a bloke today who won £5 million on the lottery last weekend.

He found out he'd won on saturday - and tuened up at his work on sunday (he's a chef) to do his shift.

I asked what sort of car he had and he said "Vauxhall Corsa"
"So now you have £5 million will you replace it?"
"Oh yes"
"What with? a ferrari? Mercedes?"
"I'll get another Corsa, a new one though..."

I just wanted to scream down the phone:
If you're not going to let it change your life DONT BUY A FUCKING TICKET YOU TWAT!!!!
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  #21  
Old 21-08-2007, 07:36 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by bird
I was interviewing a bloke today who won £5 million on the lottery last weekend.

He found out he'd won on saturday - and tuened up at his work on sunday (he's a chef) to do his shift.

I asked what sort of car he had and he said "Vauxhall Corsa"
"So now you have £5 million will you replace it?"
"Oh yes"
"What with? a ferrari? Mercedes?"
"I'll get another Corsa, a new one though..."

I just wanted to scream down the phone:
If you're not going to let it change your life DONT BUY A FUCKING TICKET YOU TWAT!!!!
if i won 5 big ones, i would goto work to gloat and hand in my resignation forthwith.........then fucked off down to riverside choppers in battersea and see what toys they had, with the intention of getting a free coffee after buying 5 or 6
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  #22  
Old 21-08-2007, 08:25 PM
cherryB cherryB is offline
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wot no chocolate biccies feck KK, your easy to please.
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  #23  
Old 21-08-2007, 11:05 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by kitkatman
if i won 5 big ones, i would goto work to gloat and hand in my resignation forthwith.........then fucked off down to riverside choppers in battersea and see what toys they had, with the intention of getting a free coffee after buying 5 or 6
Or you could use the drey to pick them up before you quit... John
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  #24  
Old 22-08-2007, 02:57 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by John Hopkins
Or you could use the drey to pick them up before you quit... John
cant do that with company vehicles, might go on another chav/pikey wrecking spree though
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  #25  
Old 23-08-2007, 09:27 AM
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I only check my 8 weeks at a time ticket 3 or 4 times during the time it's valid. So if I won the big one I might of not known for a couple of weeks!

I checked yesterday and got a £enner.

No the drinks aren't on me. LOL
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  #26  
Old 23-08-2007, 02:34 PM
cherryB cherryB is offline
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but knuck, imagine if you won 'the BIG one', you would miss 2 weeks of your life being a millionaire - what a waste
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Old 23-08-2007, 07:55 PM
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Talking Jackpot.

Wher I used to work the sales manager was a complete arsehole, horrible fucker he was. I had already decided to leave, when the girl that did the "Bonus Ball" lottery for the staff asked me for my weekly payment. I gave her the quid and thought no more of it. The "Bonus Ball" Lottery had been rolling over for several weeks.

I went in to work on the Monday with the sole intention of headbutting the manager and walking out. I stopped at the shop for some fags and checked my normal lottery ticket. YEEEEHHAAAAAAAAA!! 5 Numbers, I won £955. What a way to start the week!

I get to work with a smug as fuck grin on my face and I am late. As I roar into the carpark, the manager is stood there like Nora Batty on a bad hair day. He starts on me as soon as I turn the engine off. I thought "I will wait until he really gets started then deck him". Soon as I walk into the warehouse the Bonus Ball lottery girl hands me a bank bag full of cash, over £500. I had won the works lottery as well!!!

Manager is still abusing me.......CRACK! eat that bastard! My fist was so sore I could barely use the front brake, but I felt like I had won the jackpot. Brilliant day.

Chopper.
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  #28  
Old 23-08-2007, 10:36 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by cherryB
but knuck, imagine if you won 'the BIG one', you would miss 2 weeks of your life being a millionaire - what a waste

Nawww....If i iam still happy what is a couple of weeks..with the big one would I still be happy????

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