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Old 06-03-2006, 08:00 PM
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Bassman Bassman is offline
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Default The LARK Program

The LARK PROGRAM

A liberal woman wrote a lot of letters to the White House complaining
about the treatment of captive insurgents (terrorists) being held in
Guantanamo Bay. She received the following reply:


The White House
1600 Pennsylvania Avenue
Washington, D.C. 20016


Dear Concerned Citizen,

Thank you for your recent letter roundly criticizing our treatment of the
Taliban and Al Qaeda detainees currently being held at Guantanamo Bay,
Cuba. My administration takes these matters seriously and your opinion
was heard loud and clear here in Washington. You'll be pleased to learn
that, thanks to the concerns of citizens like yourself, we are creating a new division of the Terrorist Retraining Program,
to be called the "Liberals Accept Responsibility for Killers" program, or LARK for short.

In accordance with the guidelines of this new program, we have decided to
place one terrorist under your personal care. Your personal detainee has
been selected and scheduled for transportation under heavily armed guard to your residence next Monday.
Ali Mohammed Ahmed bin Mahmud (you can just call him Ahmed) is to be cared for pursuant to the standards you personally demanded
in your letter of complaint.

It will likely be necessary for you to hire some assistant caretakers.
We will conduct weekly inspections to ensure that your standards of care
for Ahmed are commensurate with those you so strongly recommended in your letter.
Although Ahmed is a sociopath and extremely violent, we hope
that your sensitivity to what you described as his "attitudinal problem"
will help him overcome these character flaws. Perhaps you are correct in
describing these problems as mere cultural differences. We understand
that you plan to offer counseling and home schooling.

Your adopted terrorist is extremely proficient in hand-to-hand combat and
can extinguish human life with such simple items as a pencil or nail
clippers. We advise that you do not ask him to demonstrate these skills
at your next yoga group. He is also expert at making a wide variety of
explosive devices from common household products, so you may wish to keep
those items locked up, unless (in your opinion) this might offend him.

Ahmed will not wish to interact with you or your daughters (except
sexually), since he views females as a subhuman form of property. This is
a particularly sensitive subject for him and he has been known to show
violent tendencies around women who fail to comply with the new dress
code that he will recommend as more appropriate attire. I'm sure you will
come to enjoy the anonymity offered by the burka - over time. Just
remember that it is all part of "respecting his culture and his religious
beliefs" -- wasn't that how you put it?

Thanks again for your letter. We truly appreciate it when folks like you
keep us informed of the proper way to do our job. You take good care of
Ahmed - and remember...we'll be watching.


Cordially,

George W. Bush
President
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Old 06-03-2006, 08:14 PM
smeghead's Avatar
smeghead smeghead is offline
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saw this tother day tickled i pink it did
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I won't send money to a foreign place, then watch their government stuff their face
I tell the beggars to get off their arse, I'm working not fucking middle class

This whole world is fucking mad, to be politically correct is fucking sad
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