Thread: joke of the day
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Old 09-11-2017, 06:44 PM
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Sir Ewok Sir Ewok is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2004
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Can't wait for Donald Trump to peel off his face to reveal he's been Sacha Baron Cohen all along.

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My wife just accidentally hit a cat with her car.
The poor thing was asleep on the couch at the time.

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I'll never forget the poignant nature of Anne Frank's very last entry in her diaries.....
"Today it is my birthday. Father has bought me a drum kit...."

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Our dogs was so traumatised by all the banging, screeching and wailing on Saturday night that they cowered under the kitchen table and didn't come out until the whole racket was over............
Fookin' X-Factor !

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They say a woman’s work is never done.
Maybe that’s why they get paid less.

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My mate broke his leg so I went to see him at home.

“How are you mate?”

“Yeah I’m okay. But do me a favour mate. Go fetch my slippers from upstairs. My feet are freezing.”

I went upstairs and found his two gorgeous 19 year old daughters lying naked on the bed.

I said “Your dad’s sent me up here to have sex with both of you.

They respond “Get away with ya... Prove it.”

I shouted downstairs “Hey, mate! Both of them?”

He shouted back “Of course both of them! What’s the point in fucking one?”

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After a wild party,two girls wake up next morning and one says to the other, "Ugh, my mouth tastes like the inside of a bird cage".
"Well i'm not surprised", said the second girl."You did have a cock or two in there last night".

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The 911 terrorists were shit pilots
...it took them 2 years to learn to fly and they still crashed !!

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Anal bleach. For that arsehole in your life that just needs to lighten the fuck up!

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I was sat in the pub when I told a mate that my girlfriend had committed suicide, today.
He said, "Did she leave a note?"
I said, "Yeah, there were a few in her purse. What you having?"

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I went on a date this evening.
I said, "So, are you a vampire?"
"No," she said, with a puzzled look on her face.
I said, "So you can see your reflection and you still come out looking like that?"

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