Thread: joke of the day
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Old 27-10-2017, 05:28 PM
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Sir Ewok Sir Ewok is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Wherever I damn well Please
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I gave up playing rugby at school.
All the teacher kept saying was "nice try"

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I went into a sex shop today.
I was really shocked to find out how much all my wife's vibrators cost!
She's been sitting on a small fortune!

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I once Googled, 'How to commit murder and get away with it'.
The first result was, 'Don't Google how to commit murder and get away with it'.

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Everton have at least 2 more seasons left in the Premiership.
Winter and Spring

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As child, I was forced to walk the plank.
We couldn't afford a dog.

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After dropping my new girlfriend home the other night after our first date, she told me I'd have to wait 3 months before she would have sex with me. I told her I totally understood and respected her decision and that I'd ring her again nearer that time.

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My AA counsellor told me, "If you start drinking again, take a really good look in the mirror."
I wish I hadn't listened to him.
There's blue lights and cop cars fucking everywhere.

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I got some of that Rohypnol that Harvey Weinstein was using.
My Mate Dave says to me, "Better check the Best Before date."
So I had a look. It said, 'Best before they become famous'.

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Be very careful about agreeing to do it doggy style with a Korean.

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I think my wife might have got me a build-it-yourself scale model of a horse for Christmas.
I've just found a big piece of it hidden under her bed.

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'Time is a construct of man, a means of adding value and structure to a chaotic universe, it serves no real purpose, it's endless and infinite, unfathomable and subjective'
'You're still fucking late' replied my boss.

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