Thread: joke of the day
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Old 06-03-2018, 06:41 PM
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Sir Ewok Sir Ewok is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2004
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My bank just called me about suspicious activity on my account.
They didn't believe I bought a gym membership.

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Monday is a lot like me..
It comes too quickly.

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Just failed my driving test. When the examiner asked me "what sign would you expect to see down a narrow country lane?" Apparently ‘fresh farm eggs for sale’ wasn’t the answer!

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Taylor Swift's song 'We are never getting back together' is about her legs.

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If anything good comes out of global warming it will be that in a few years Dancing on Ice won't be on my fucking telly!

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Sadly I think my family are a bunch of racists.
I started dating a black girl recently. So i decided to bring her home to meet the family.
The kids wouldn't talk to her and my wife told me to pack my bags and leave.

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According to the news, Elton John has put on so much weight recently, he is having to have his trousers specially made for him.
Time to say 'Goodbye normal jeans' then, Elton.

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I came home drunk last night and my wife wasn't happy.
"How much have you had to drink?" she asked, staring at me.
"Nothing" I slurred.
"Look at me!" she shouted, "It's either me or the pub, which one is it?"
I paused for a second and said, "It's you, I can tell by the voice."

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I recently entered a competition to see who had gained the most weight and lost the most hair.
Obviously, it wasn’t called that. It was advertised as a ‘School Reunion’

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Still can't believe Roger Bannister is dead.
He was my favourite James Bond too.

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First Alexander then Sergei never mind the Russians I'd be looking at that Go compare twat.

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