Thread: joke of the day
View Single Post
  #1404  
Old 05-03-2018, 06:47 PM
Sir Ewok's Avatar
Sir Ewok Sir Ewok is offline
Talk, Type, Breath, Talk, Type, Breath....
 
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Wherever I damn well Please
Posts: 8,576
Default

"Your underwear is too tight and very revealing" I said to my wife
She said, "Wear your own then dickhead"

.................

Sir Bradley Wiggins has denied taking drugs to help him win the Tour de France, claiming it was a fair win. He added that he had to cycle really fast to escape the colossal razor-toothed fire-breathing luminescent dragon that was chasing him.

.................

If you haven't looked in on that elderly neighbour yet. Forget it!
A couple of days ago you'd have been a hero, now you'd be a suspect.

.................

Ladies: If you get a message from a bloke saying he wants to "kick your puppy" - don't ring the RSPCA, he's just not very good with predictive text....

.................

The Winter Paralympics are set to get underway in South Korea this Thursday.
Athletes who broke their necks in last month's regular Olympics are said to be looking forward to it.

.................

"Hot Cross Buns"was actually the name of Jesus' first aerobic DVD.

.................

I've joined Athletics Anonymous.
Whenever you feel like exercising, they send someone round to drink with you until the feeling passes.

.................

My girlfriend is a stunner!
She works in an abattoir.

.................

Yesterday I hired a new guy to work in my specialty bondage shop.
I spent all morning showing him the ropes.

.................

I entered one of those Iron Man contests last year, and what a joke that was.
I was the only one there that even bothered to build a suit, and as soon as it started everyone just fucked off for a swim !

.................

Vice President Mike Pence says the survivors of the Florida school shooting need a "belief in Jesus".
Someone needs to tell the know-nothing fantasist that what the kids need are bulletproof vests!

.................

Funny how Hitler and Charlie Chaplin were never seen in the same room together.

..................

The last person to call me pretentious copped a demitasse of skinny macchiato to the face.

..................

__________________
Been riding for 40 years and my arse is really sore
Reply With Quote