Thread: joke of the day
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Old 18-02-2018, 09:50 PM
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"Have you ever seen a dinosaur? have you any proof they existed? The so called relics can easily be man made, " said Father O'Malley.
"Have you ever seen God? have you any proof he exists? religions can easily be man made, " I replied.

.................

"You have to tell me the truth," my barrister said. "It doesn't matter to me if you're guilty or not, I just don't want to be surprised in court."
"OK, I raped and murdered those prostitutes." I admitted.
"Interesting, but can we get back to this shoplifting charge please?"

.................

A war hero is walking along the street dragging his right leg along the pavement due to an old war injury. As he's walking he sees another man coming towards him dragging his right leg along the pavement aswell. As he's passing this man he points down to his foot and says "Vietnam, 45 years back". The other guy points down at his foot and replies "Dog shit, 45 feet back!"

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Why are teenagers like earthquakes?
They both get felt in Swansea on a Saturday.

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A man hates his wife"s cat so much he drives to the next town and dumps it.
When he gets home, it"s there.
Next day he drives 50 miles and dumps it.
When he gets home, it"s there.
So the next day he drives to the other side of the country and dumps it.
One hour later he rings his wife and asks, "is the cat home?"
"Yes, why?" asks his wife."
Put the cunt on," he says, "I"m fucking lost."

..................

I paid off all my gambling debts, it only took me a second...
mortgage.

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What has only one finger and is very demanding ?
A Ransom Note.

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As soon as I got my cock out, my one night stand said:
“That looks like a bit of a monster doesn’t it?”
“Really?” I smiled, “I didn’t think it was that big.”
“It’s not” she replied, “it’s fucking green.”

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