Thread: joke of the day
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Old 14-02-2018, 01:32 PM
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Sir Ewok Sir Ewok is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2004
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Posts: 8,578
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I splashed out on some new lingerie in Ann Summers.
Now the assistant says I have to pay for it.

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Just noticed the wife is wearing her sexy underwear today!
This can only mean one thing...
She’s behind with the washing!

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Wife rang "Three girls in my office just received flowers, they're absolutely gorgeous"
I said "That's probably why they received flowers"

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I've been getting a Valentine's card from the same secret admirer for the past 20 years.
So I was sad not to get one this year.
First my Gran dies and now this!

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Jeremy Hunt announces new plan to reduce burden on NHS by asking Daniel Sturridge to retire.

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I was showing an American colleague who was over on a business conference the sights, "Wow, " he said, "I can't believe how small and compact everything is. Your cars, your buildings, your TV's even your food portions. " He said. Then I introduced him to my wife. That shut him up.

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Valentine's Day.
A day where you can find both single men and women with a box of tissues and a film.

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Awwwwwww Valentines is so romantic, someone has left lots of flowers on a lampost by the busy main road, must be where they first met.

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I woke up this morning with a one pound coin stuck up my arse.
I must have been completely trollied last night.

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Roses are dead. Love is fake. Weddings are basically funerals with cake.

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My mornings play out like a nursery rhyme
Hump
Tea
Dump
Tea

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You can't please some women. I bought my wife 250 flowers for Valentine's Day.
So what if they spell out 'Grandad'

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It’s not often you find the perfect match on Valentine’s Day.
But Real Madrid v PSG tonight looks pretty fucking good.

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I just got 34 valentines cards, I'm totally shocked & breathless.
That security guard in Clinton's gave quite a chase.

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As I was snorting cocaine off Kelly Brook’s tits, whilst having my cock sucked by Megan Fox on a beach in Hawaii, I thought ...
Where the fuck has it all gone wrong?

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Well pleased - just went down to my local cheapo store and got a cut-price copy of a Mott The Hoople album.
Aldi Young Dudes.

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