Thread: joke of the day
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Old 12-02-2018, 03:17 PM
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Sir Ewok Sir Ewok is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Wherever I damn well Please
Posts: 8,673
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What does a Thesaurus eat for breakfast?
A synonym roll.

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FACT

If humans stood in a single file line around the equator, most of them would drown.

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Paddy got a job as a Bus Driver and on his first morning he just sat at the Depot waiting.
The Bus Inspector came over to see and asked what the problem was.
Paddy said, "l'm waiting for the Ticket Conductor."
The Bus Inspector informed him that all the Buses were now One Man Buses.
So Paddy drives off in the Double Decker Bus.
Twenty minutes later there is a call to the depot "one of your buses has been involved in a traffic accident."
The Bus Inspector goes down to the Crash and there is Paddy and the Wrecked Bus.
Bejesus Paddy, "How did this happen?" Asked the Bus Inspector.
Paddy shrugged his shoulders, and said.....
"Fucked if I know. l was Upstairs collecting the Fares at the time."

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My wife came into my shed yesterday, "you're wasting your time and money on all these inventions!'' She said. It was at this point that the Slap-a-Twat-automatic 3000 proved her wrong.

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I bought a 24ct gold necklace the other day, but when I put it on my skin started going a funny blue colour, so I suspected it was fake.
Turns out it was a bracelet.

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I met Prince Harry earlier at a civic function. Although things got a bit confusing when I invited him to take part in my triathlon charity event by asking, “Sir, how would you like to enter a mixed race?”
He gave me a wink and said, “I already have mate, I already have ....”

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The Irish have an easy way of telling the difference between an apple, and an orange.
There is no such thing as an apple bastard.

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My wife's into S&M.
She sleeps, I masturbate

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God how I hated school in the 80s
"Sir, I've forgotten my bag"
"You'll have to do the lesson in your underwear then, boy!"
Worst History teacher ever!

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I farted earlier in the classroom and 4 people turned round....
......I thought I was on The Voice.

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Knock Knock
Who's there?
One Direction.
One Direction who?
Oh well that's show business.

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