Thread: joke of the day
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Old 03-01-2018, 06:07 PM
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Sir Ewok Sir Ewok is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2004
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If an apple a day keeps the doctor away, why don't Daleks hide in orchards?

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Michael Barrymore reportedly turned down the chance to do panto this year. Barrymore was offered a role but said ‘No I done Aladdin a few years back and never again’

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My late Mother-in-law is famous for her 9 dart finish.
The pygmies said they'd never killed anything that big before.

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Saw a Scouser running out of the Echo arena doing a cracking Kings Of Leon impression on New Years Eve...
He was like...
"Ehhhhoohohoohoh, my Vectra's on fire"

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Five unshakable facts:
1. A girl is said to be grown up when she starts wearing a bra. A boy is grown up when he starts removing them.
2. We all love to spend lots of money buying new clothes but we never realize that the best moments in life are enjoyed without clothes.
3. Having a cold drink on hot day with a few friends is nice, but having a hot friend on a cold night after a few drinks - PRICELESS.
4. Breaking News: Condoms don't guarantee safe sex anymore. A friend of mine was wearing one when he was killed by the woman's husband.
5. Arguing over a girl's breast size is like choosing between Molson, Heineken, Carlsberg & Budweiser. Men may state their preferences, but will grab whatever is available.

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I was attacked last night by a bear that had escaped from the zoo. I thought my time was up but luckily it just mounted me and fucked me up the arse. I think it must have been bi-polar.

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