Thread: joke of the day
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Old 02-01-2018, 06:14 PM
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Sir Ewok Sir Ewok is offline
Talk, Type, Breath, Talk, Type, Breath....
 
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Wherever I damn well Please
Posts: 8,842
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My new years resolution is to give up my two bad habits of masturbation and smoking.
I'm now down to 15 a day and doing well at packing in smoking as well.

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After the horse meat found in Tesco burgers scandal a few years ago they have now found thousands of camel toes in Primark leggings.

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My new girlfriend says that a small penis will not affect our relationship.
That's all well and good, but I'd be a lot happier if she didn't have one at all.

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I went into the local chemist and said to the assistant "Could I have a dozen condoms please miss"?
She said "Don't you miss me"
I said "OK, better make it thirteen then"

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You'll never walk alone, especially when you park in Liverpool.

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“Should old acquaintance be forgot
And never brought to mind”

- said Kevin Spacey’s defense lawyer.

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Here are 7 things you never knew about me:

1. I rarely finish anything I start.

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The local Weight Watchers club meets in the room above Domino's Pizza.
Which I suppose is a good way of filtering out those whose heart isn't really in it.

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"Holy shit!", yelled the nurse as I pulled my pants down. "That is hands down the biggest one I have ever seen".
"Really?", I said blushing, I didn't think my penis was that big.
"No", replied the nurse, "but that hemorrhoid hanging out of your arse is".

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