Thread: joke of the day
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Old 01-01-2018, 04:34 PM
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Sir Ewok Sir Ewok is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Wherever I damn well Please
Posts: 7,892
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Yesterday was so last year.

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My missus reckons she's "staying dry in January"
Fat chance with a hunk like me knocking round the house!

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I had a central heating engineer round this afternoon and while he was working away he said, “I see you’re a darts man, like myself.”
I asked how he worked that out and he replied, “That photo on the fireplace of you and Jocky Wilson.”
I replied, “That’s my wife mate.”

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Paddy goes to a florist & says "I'd like to buy some flowers for my girlfriend."
The florist says "Certainly, what is it you're after?"
Paddy says "a blow job"

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Norwich city trophy room has been broken into and all the contents have been stolen.
Police are looking for a man with a green and yellow carpet.

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I played football for the first time yesterday, after a long lay off with health issues
I heard someone in the crowd shout "You've still got it mate"!
Unfortunately, it was my doctor with my latest test results.

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I wonder how many calls 'We buy any car dot com' have had from the Liverpool area today...

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My New Year resolution.
1600 x 1200

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Just seen this hot babe working out at the gym. So I asked her if she had made any New Year resolutions. " Fuck you ", she said.
Looks like a great 2018 for me already then.
Hope you all have one too.

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I woke up this morning and said to the missus.
"Wow! that was fantastic last night, you weren't faking it were you"?
She replied "No, I really was asleep"

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Bill says to Ben, flobba...lobba...lobble...and Ben replies....For fuck sake Bill....if you loved me you'd swallow.!

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I got totally pissed last night and ended up shagging a woman with a really tight vagina and the most massive clit I've ever seen.
I think she said her name was Derek.

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