Thread: joke of the day
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Old 26-12-2017, 08:25 PM
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Sir Ewok Sir Ewok is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Wherever I damn well Please
Posts: 8,842
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I remember when my parents died, all they left me was a globe..
It meant the world to me.

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I got a can of Newcastle Brown Ale stuck in my foot.
It's an ingrowing toon ale.

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For Sale: 20 pairs of socks and 8 lynx sets £10 no offers!

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My wife is so naive.
I just told her that the reason it's called Boxing Day is that us men don't have to come home from the pub until we've done twelve rounds.

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If you're wondering what to do with your Turkey carcass after Christmas...
Pop it in your bed and imagine you're David Beckham.

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Why is it that a lot of Ford car names sound better when you put 'anal' in front of them?
Probe, Ranger, Explorer, Escort, Fiesta, Galaxy and Cougar.

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There is 364 days till Christmas and people already have their Christmas lights up already!
Unbelievable

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Walking past our local furniture shop during the Boxing Day sales I noticed a sign advertising "1/3 off all our 3 piece suites!!"
I thought "Well that's a 2 piece suite then."

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I shagged my best mate's wife the other night and now I feel terrible......
Reckon she had flu or something.

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How many policemen does it take to change a lightbulb?
It doesn't matter, they just beat the room because its black.

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What’s more dangerous than running with the scissors?
Scissoring with the runs.

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I went to japan recently, and my mate told me the women's pussy's go sideways!
Well they don't..... and I took harmonica lessons for fuck all !

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