Thread: joke of the day
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Old 20-12-2017, 07:01 PM
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Sir Ewok Sir Ewok is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2004
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The wife said my cock reminded her of a supermarket.
I said "because it's well stocked and supplies your every need?"
She replied "No because it's Lidl"

.................

My wife asked me if we could have something more 'Christmassy' on the television.
So I put Fifa on and played in snowy conditions.

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As a child:
'You are grounded. '

As an adult:
'Your package will be delivered between 8am and 6pm. '

.................

"You can be a right cunt sometimes." Said the Mrs.
"Great. Can I choose Wednesdays and Saturdays?" I replied.

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I slept like a baby last night.
I pissed the bed 3 times and woke up covered in sick.

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All this politically-correct palaver has gone too far.
I hear we're even supposed to say 'gender fluid' now.
What nonsense. There's nothing wrong with the original terms, 'spunk' and 'fanny batter'.

..................

Just found a pair of my 14 yr old son's underwear stuffed under his bed.
I'm no archaeologist but if I had to guess, I'd say they were from his crustation period.

..................

A guy goes to the doctor and says, "doctor my leg keeps talking to me."
So the doctor takes out his stethoscope and listens to the guys thigh and he hears, "lend me a fiver!"
The doctor then takes a listen to the guys knee and hears, "Lend me a tenner!"
The doctor then takes a listen at the guys shin and hears, "Lend me twenty quid!"
"So what's the problem doctor?" the guy asks anxiously.
"It's your leg - it's broke in three places," says the doctor.

...................

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