Thread: joke of the day
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Old 18-12-2017, 07:42 PM
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Sir Ewok Sir Ewok is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2004
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The police phoned me to tell me my wife was in hospital.
"How is she?" I asked.
"Very critical," replied the officer.
"What's she fucking complaining about now?" I said.

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If you're happy and you know it can you please get along to the theatre where Snow White and the other six dwarves are waiting for you.

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My kids are at an age where they still believe Santa is real and Mo Farah is British.

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You know you're fat when you drop something and think to yourself "Do I really need it?"

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As Wayne Rooney nears the halfway point of his community service, working at a garden centre for people with learning difficulties, he has developed a particulary strong bond with one down syndrome sufferer, Andrew Smith.

"It has been really rewarding so far, although at times also very tough. Teaching him to count, whilst trying to make sense of his grunts and dribbles has probably been the hardest point so far", said Andrew

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The wife still won't talk to me, even after two weeks in the Bahamas.
Worst welcome home ever.

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BBC News: "Conservative elected Chilean president".
I really hope it's Theresa May.

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Rowan Atkinson's next film role is to play a comical character who is unable to satisfy his wife.
'Missed her Bean' is showing in cinemas from Friday.

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When I lost my rifle, the Army charged me $200.00.
That's why, in the Navy, the captain goes down with the ship.

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I once mistook a glory hole for a peep hole.
Now I'm cockeyed.

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