Thread: joke of the day
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Old 17-12-2017, 01:18 PM
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I have a real habit of acting out the names of any towns that I visit.
For example, when I went to Poole, I went swimming.
When I went to Rugby, I played Rugby.
When I went to Bath, I took a bath.
Anyway, to cut a long story short, I need bailing out of Blackburn police station.

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4 x Peter Kay tickets for sale for 2018, only want face value as someone can't make it.

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My mother-in-law bought a talking parrot, but she took it back a week later.
"This parrot hasn't said anything!" she complained.
"I haven't had a fucking chance yet!" replied the parrot.

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There's a way of telling if an orange is male or female...
If it squirts you in your eye without warning, it's a male.
If it's bitter for no apparent reason, it's a female.

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Whats large, round, ginger and found in the biscuit section of a supermarket?
Adele

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It's funny how the word 'Snowflake' is used in a derogatory way to describe people who are concerned about the well being of others. Yet every snowflake that ever fell was unique. Unlike all the homophobes, racists. and religious bigots who all seem to share the same hateful brain cell. Anyway after thinking about it I managed to find a word to describe all these people in a similar way they use snowflake.

Tories.

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Where do you hide if you kill a black man?
Behind a badge.

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Just because she weighed as much as two women... doesn't mean you had a threesome.

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I decided to do research about my family tree.
Turns out it was bought from asda for christmas

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I put my penis in your mouth.
Your mouth is filled with teeth.
Don't you dare tell me I have trust issues.

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I was about to pull out of a parking space when I asked my wife, "Are there any cars approaching?"
"No," she said, looking out of the passenger window.
As I maneuvered onto the road she added, "Just a lorry."

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I saw a passed out drunk guy at the nudist camp.
So I drew a face on his penis.

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Ann Summers have brought out a new gadget to help men find the G spot on their ladies.
They're hoping the "TwatNav" will be a best seller this Christmas....

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