Thread: joke of the day
View Single Post
  #1314  
Old 07-12-2017, 05:56 PM
Sir Ewok's Avatar
Sir Ewok Sir Ewok is offline
Talk, Type, Breath, Talk, Type, Breath....
 
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Wherever I damn well Please
Posts: 7,775
Default

My cat is recovering after a massive stroke.

..............

A bad football team is like an old bra, no cups and very little support.

..............

I found one of my dads old porno videos today.
Did you know, back in the 70's they used to use pubic hair to censor out the genitals?

...............

The Welsh language was invented by a cat walking across a typewriter.

...............

They've published another week of Elizabeth Fritzl's diary.

Monday:- Stayed in, Dad came down and fucked me.
Tuesday:- Stayed in, Got fucked by Dad
Wednesday:- Stayed in, Dad fucked me doggy style
Thursday:- Stayed in, Dad spunked on my face
Friday:- Stayed in, Dad gave my arse a right pounding
Saturday:- Went to watch Tottenham Hotspur play. Wish I'd fucking stayed in.

................

"Islamist plot to kill PM foiled."
...Anyone else think maybe we've given the security services a little too much money now?

................

I was always amazed by Jesus' biblical miracle with loaves and fishes.
That was until I realised what Walker's could do with one potato.

................

Kim's general: "sir, this is a phone the American's made in the 1940's"
Kim: "ah, I think I have the same one"
Kim's general: "yeah, great. Anyway, this is the phone they all use now."
Kim: "amazing!"
Kim's general: "and sir, this is the bomb they dropped on Hiroshima in 1940."
Kim: "motherfucker!"
Kim's general: "yeah...do you see where I'm going with this?"

................

They say that in the third world you can buy a slave for the price of an ipod. But you try getting them to remember 4000 songs.

................

Donald Trump was asked in an interview if wore fake tan because he was worried about melanoma, he replied " my wife lets me do what I want."

................

I designed a web site for orphans.
There's no home page.

................

I tried to commit all of the Seven Deadly Sins.
I never made it past Sloth.

................

__________________
Been riding for 40 years and my arse is really sore
Reply With Quote