Thread: joke of the day
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Old 27-11-2017, 04:48 PM
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Sir Ewok Sir Ewok is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Wherever I damn well Please
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My extra sensitive toothpaste doesn’t like it when I use other toothpastes.

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My girlfriend just asked me, “When we go to Egypt, can we go on a camel?”
I said, “Fuck off, it would take ages to get there on a camel!”

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My wife has old hoover syndrome.
She makes a constant whining noise and doesn’t suck anymore.

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I went to a fancy dress party in Birmingham where the theme was "spice".
I went as a chilli but everyone else was an astronaut.

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My next door neighbour has had the London A-Z Atlas tattooed on his back. He's a bit of a weirdo, but at least you know where you are with him!

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For fuck sake, just had hospital on the phone, my son is in a bad way in hospital he has swallowed his mobile phone doing some daft prank and it is stuck in his throat ..
I'm gonna ring his fucking neck ..

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Taking inspiration from 'I'm a celebrity' Get me out of here .
I ate a cows Nipple, a pigs eyeball and a sheeps penis last night.
Or a Lidl sausage roll as it's better known.

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Women, and noodles.
They both wiggle when you eat them.

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Ordered 4 Kindles from Amazon and they sent me a Two Ronnies DVD.

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Family Fortunes: In a 100 people survey we asked name something you lose on holiday?
Kate McCann you answered "Daughter"

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When people start bullying me about my weight, I cut myself.........
another piece of cake.

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