Thread: joke of the day
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Old 20-11-2017, 05:44 PM
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Sir Ewok Sir Ewok is offline
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A funeral was held today for the inventor of air conditioning.
Thousands of fans attended.

.................

An American touring Spain stopped at a local restaurant following a day
of sightseeing. While sipping his sangria, he noticed a sizzling,
scrumptious looking platter being served at the next table. Not only did
it look good, the smell was wonderful. He asked the waiter, "What is that
you just served?"
The waiter replied, " Ah senor, you have excellent taste! Those are bulls
testicles from the bull fight this morning. A delicacy!"
The American, though momentarily daunted, said, "What the hell, I'm on
vacation! Bring me an order!"
The waiter replied, "I am so sorry senor. There is only one serving per
day because there is only one bull fight each morning. If you come early
tomorrow and place your order, we will be sure to save you this delicacy!"
The next day, the American returned, placed his order, and then that
evening he was served the one and only special delicacy of the day.
After a few bites, and inspecting the contents of his platter, he called
to the waiter and said, "These are delicious, but they are much, much
smaller than the ones I saw you serve yesterday!"
The waiter shrugged his shoulders and replied, "Si senor. Sometimes the bull wins!"

...................

I'm gonna use the numbers from my gas meter reading for my lottery, it works for British gas.

...................

The UK has offered to help Argentina find its missing submarine.
Perhaps they will be kind enough to point out the General Belgrano at the same time.

...................

Jeremy Clarkson has stated that driverless cars are 'dangerous'.
Yeah, but not as dangerous as cars driven by Richard Hammond.

...................

A man has been arrested after trying to scale the security fence at the White House.
Police who led the man away were heard to say, "We don't care how bad it is, you've another three years to serve, Mr President."

....................

My wife's come back home after her breast reduction operation.
And I must say, she looks much better with just the two.

....................

You know you've been watching Jamie Oliver too much when you add olive oil to your Pot Noodle.

....................

Gynaecologists use a device called a speculum to spread open the vagina.
I prefer to call it a flap jack.

....................

A big shout out to all the amazing make up artists on Strictly last night...oh and Debbie McGee's embalmer.

....................

I've finally found my path in life.
Psycho.

....................

Karen Brady is on the apprentice every week taking the piss out of the contestants decision making.
Then she goes and hires David Moyes.

....................

My parents came over to meet my new girlfriend for the first time, my mum described her as "a girl next door type". My girlfriend was really pleased.
She doesn't know they live next door to a brothel.

....................

I definitely learned my lesson about speeding today and it will never happen again.
I didn't get pulled over or anything,
I just showed up to work 20 minutes early.

....................

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