Thread: joke of the day
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Old 18-11-2017, 07:48 PM
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Sir Ewok Sir Ewok is offline
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A man walks into a library and asks for a book on 'Finding Bigfoot'.
The librarian directs him to the large print section.

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I finally got an 'A' on my essay.
Only 1,999 more words to go !

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After watching the events in Harare today , Prince Charles has urged his fans to turn out in London tomorrow to tell 91 yr old Queen it's time to go.

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I was in bed with the wife. She said, "Did you just fart?"
I replied, "Who else do you think farted?"

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Just 3 will buy food and water for family in Africa.
But don't let your heart rule your head.
Morrisons are doing 4 Stella for 2.99

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How many Scotsmen does it take to change a light bulb?
Och! It's no that dark.

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I can't believe the new iPhone looks just like the old one.
How will people know I'm better than they are?

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I've just bought a Jehovah's witness advent calendar.
Every time I open a door on it someone tells me to fuck off.

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Greggs have pulled the plug on the 'Holy Sausage roll' for now.
A Spokesman, however says they intend to resurrect it next Easter.

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"Hello, and welcome to this year's Children In Need!
Tonight we're going to aim to raise as much as I would have paid in tax last year if my accountant hadn't sorted out that Panama offshore account for me..."

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I used to walk home from the supermarket with a few bags every week. Now they charge me 5 pence per bag I find it cheaper to just walk home with the trolley for 1.00.

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Did you know Lord Jesus spelled backwards is SusejdRol maybe greggs are correct.

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One of the presenters on Children on Weed said, "Pick up your phone and pledge."
I'm still sitting here, with the phone in one hand and a can of furniture polish in the other, wondering what I'm supposed to do next?

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I went to a really trendy nightclub last night.
The doorman said to me, "Sorry mate, you've had too many!"
I said, "What, drinks?"
He said, "No, birthdays!"

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Played in a cricket match yesterday in aid of people who suffer from diarrhoea.
We lost by 3 runs.

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What's red and white and sits in a tree?
A sanitary owl.

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I know a man who taught his dog to play the trumpet on the London Underground.
He went from Barking to Tooting in an hour.

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