Thread: joke of the day
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Old 10-11-2017, 06:45 PM
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Sir Ewok Sir Ewok is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2004
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Anyone remember the 90's, when you'd have to clean your mouse balls?
I'm glad I don't have pets any more.

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My wife asked me how I could love her and enjoy watching porn.
I told her, I love my car, but I still watch Formula 1 too.
She was happy with this analogy.
I just never mentioned I also go to Hertz for the occasional rental.

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My local pub is rough as fuck.
I went to the quiz the other night and the first question asked was, "What the fuck are you looking at?"

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As a society we've become pampered and mollycoddled. We now have apples pre-washed and sliced and put into bags, we can buy cheese already grated, potatoes peeled garnished and put into packs. Even my local dealer has got in on the act, he's started to cut his cocaine with slimfast powder and is banging it out as Diet Coke.

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News: California pet shops can now only sell rescue animals.
As long as they taste the same, I don’t care where they come from.

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The doctor told me he found something alarming in my colonoscopy.
A clock.

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Womens cricket.
Australia v England.
Surely that's called The Gashes.

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People who say "love is more important than money" try paying a Loan Shark off with a hug.

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Anne Kirkbride once said that being in Coronation Street can be "soul destroying".
She should've tried watching it.

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England v Germany:
What's the fucking point?
We've only beat the cunts twice since we gave em a good thrashing on Xmas Day 1914.

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As a kid, there was one letter I always regretted writing;
Dear Jim,
Please can you fix it for me to go on "It's a Knockout”....?

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Not to brag or anything, but I got the high score on my bathroom scale today.

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