Thread: joke of the day
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Old 08-11-2017, 07:45 PM
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Sir Ewok Sir Ewok is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2004
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Thought I'd seen the end of the Trick or Treaters the other night after I'd poured a bucket of piss over the last lot through my upstairs window, but, fuck me, within five minutes two much older looking kids knocked on the door and got the same treatment.
I'd love to see them explain the smell when they took those police costumes back to the fancy dress shop.

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At all U2 concerts, Bono starts spouting about starving children:
If the pretentious cunt paid tax, the government could increase foreign aid and feed the poor bastards.

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I cannot believe that in this day and age that wearing underwear in the garden would offend so many people...admittedly it wasn't my garden or my underwear.

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I've heard if you mix Rohypnol with alcohol it can make you feel spacey.

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When Beckham scored I used to drink Becks,when Scholes scored I used to drink skol,When Liam Miller scored I used to drink Miller Lite.
Thank God Seaman was a goalie.

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How many divorced men does it take to change a light bulb?
Who cares? It's not like they'll ever get the house is it !!!

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My wife is like a condom.
She spends far more time in my wallet than on my dick.

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I drove past my gran's house today and saw 20 pints of milk on her doorstep.
She must drink a hell of a lot of tea !

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My Penis looks like a Space Rocket.
The wife's over the Moon.

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My wife & I like to do it missionary style.
We brainwash indigenous natives & rape children.

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Rita Ora sexually assaulted me...
I don't care what my wife says, it wasn't a dream.

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Applying sunblock does not guarantee protection against harmful rays.
Just ask Steve Irwin.

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My girlfriend has just bollocked me for taking the piss out of Stephen Hawking"
She said, "Are you not worried that if he dies, his ghost will come back to haunt you whilst you sleep?"
I said, "Not really. It won't be able to get up the stairs"

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At last, Brexit is gathering pace, due to climate change and rising sea levels we are now 1cm further away from France since we voted leave.

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