Thread: joke of the day
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Old 06-11-2017, 07:14 PM
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Sir Ewok Sir Ewok is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2004
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Posts: 7,691
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THE 21ST CENTURY...
Where deleting history is more important than making it.

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I recently lost my job as a teacher!, I got caught shagging the ugliest teacher in the school.
Gross Miss Conduct.

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Just got a new job as a waiter.
The pay isnít great, but it puts food on the table.

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They say makeup sex is the best!
I must be doing it wrong though, and now Iíve gone and got a lipstick stuck up my bum.

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Why did Elon Musk choose SpaceX to land on the moon?
Because if he chose SpaceY it would land on a 14 year old boy.

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The mass shooter in Texas is named Devin Patrick Kelley:
When informed, Trump said: "That's a fucking strange name for a Muslim."

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What about all these religious cranks asking God to be with the dozens of people shot dead in a service in Texas?
For fuck's sake! He couldn't even look after them in a fucking church!!

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Channel 4 are said to be delighted at the viewing figures for the final of the Great British Bake off of 7.1 million.
That's 1.1 million more than the Great German Bake Off.

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Lukaku had less touches today than a Tory cabinet minister.

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Harvey Weinstein

Helping women put their careers before their moral values and personal integrity since 1980.

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Sharon Osbourne says Harvey Weinstein never touched her and wonders why.
Because he's a sex pervert, not a necrophiliac.

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My wife used to think that the sun shone out of my arse.....
until she found out that the brown stains in my boxers weren't caused by sunburn.

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My firework display last night was so fucking good ISIS have claimed responsibility for it!

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I've found out how to make Windows run faster.
I installed the French version.

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What's Yellow,White And Blue And Has A Tight Cunt At One End?
An Aldi Bag..

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My sex tape is duct.

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BREAKING TRAFFIC NEWS

A lorry carrying snooker equipment has crashed on the M56...the driver is under a rest and the cues go back for miles.

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What's 2 and a half inches, hard and would make Theresa May blush?
Damian Green's laptop drive.

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Some people won't try bacon for religious reasons.
I won't try religion for bacon reasons.

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