Thread: joke of the day
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  #1280  
Old 05-11-2017, 06:35 PM
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Sir Ewok Sir Ewok is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Wherever I damn well Please
Posts: 7,686
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How do I disable the auto-correct function on my wife?

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The Mrs started her menstrual cycle today and she’s bet me that I can’t go a week without making a joke out of it.
I said you’re on!

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My girlfriend is temperamental.

50% temper.
50% mental.

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A group of Hooded teenagers just came up to me outside the shop and asked if I'd get some bangers for them if they gave me the money.
Should of seen their faces when I came out with 5 packs of sausages.

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Why the fuck do people say, "He's a nice person once you get to know him?"
They might as well just say, "He's a Wanker, but you'll get used to him."

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What will happen at the first lesbian divorce?
How will both of them get three quarters of everything?

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Shout out to all the Syrian refugees and immigrants living in the UK this weekend.
Bet you're feeling right at home.

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I've learned that you cannot make someone love you.
All you can do is stalk them and hope they panic and give in.

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Marriage! Been there, done that, she's got the tee shirt.

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I wonder if fit girls get a pop up on their laptop saying "A fat bloke from Wolverhampton wants to have sex with you"?

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Why don't they have Bonfire Night on the continent?
Every time they set the fireworks off the French & Italians try to surrender.

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Guy Fawkes. Keeping people awake since 1605!

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I asked my son why he wants to marry so young.
He said it's so he can have sex whenever he feels like it...
He's in for quite a surprise.

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