Thread: joke of the day
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Old 29-10-2017, 12:30 PM
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Sir Ewok Sir Ewok is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2004
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I don't agree with the new law on not smoking in a car with under 18's in it. Last week my kids got soaking wet in the rain while I was having a fag in the car. They were literally banging on the windows begging me to let them in, but as I explained to them, it's illegal.

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I'm watching Match of The Day holding an x-box controller.
Just to fuck with my wife's head.

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Just got back from a week of fly fishing in Ireland. I knew it was going to be a bit of a struggle when I asked the gamekeeper - "whereabouts can I find the most salmon?".
"Between the head and the tail" he replied.....

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I remember when I knocked out the school bully, I thought I'd be an instant hero, but apparently it was 'appalling behaviour' for a parent.

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I never realised how realistic these 3D televisions were until I fell asleep watching Liverpool the other night on "Match of the Day".
When I awoke, my wallet and stereo had been nicked.

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Sex with me is like reading a book.
I don't stop until I reach the appendix.

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What's the difference between Frankenstein and Weinstein?
One put a bolt through the neck and scared the shit out of filmgoers, the other put a bolt on his door and scared the shit out of actresses.

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I was having sex with a Psychic last night.
But after 2 minutes, she gave me a very disappointed look.
She must have seen me coming.

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Who dresses in red and nobody believes in them?
Liverpool.

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How do deaf people tell the difference between someone coughing and someone mimicking a blowjob?

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