Thread: joke of the day
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Old 24-10-2017, 02:36 PM
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The waiter asked, "Would you like to hear today's special?"
"Yes please," I smiled...
"Today is special," he replied, then walked off.

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Went to a swingerís party last night in my army uniform.
Had to leave my khakis in the bowl.

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Opinions are like orgasms...
Mine is more important, and I donít really care if you have one.

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BREAKING: Liverpool manager has resigned! He's taking his family home to Germany.
The Klopps go back this weekend!

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I was grilling a steak earlier and the smell of the juices started to make my mouth water...
Got me thinking, do vegans get the same reaction when mowing the lawn?

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I'm thinking about asking my ex wife to re-marry me.
But I'm worried she will think I'm just after her for my money.

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Halloween Pumpkins: Large Orange, scary things with a few teeth missing. Norwich girls: see above.

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Was in the Chemist shop earlier and said to the assistant..."Wow..your really going for the Halloween thing this year with the zombie costumes"
"No Sir" she said.."that's the queue for methadone."

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"I caught my twelve-year-old son looking up women's skirts today," I told the barman after my second whiskey.
"That's pretty normal for a twelve-year-old, isn't it?" he asked.
"Not on Fucking eBay it isn't!" I said.

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As things have escalated between North Korea and America. The Americans have revealed their secret weapon.
British troops.

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What do the grammar police and gay men have in common.
They're both concerned: with the improper use of the colon.

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As the head started to emerge out of my wife's vagina, I said, "That is beautiful."
"Not really," exclaimed the doctor, "How did she get an action man stuck in her pussy?"

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