Thread: joke of the day
View Single Post
  #1264  
Old 20-10-2017, 04:21 PM
Sir Ewok's Avatar
Sir Ewok Sir Ewok is offline
Talk, Type, Breath, Talk, Type, Breath....
 
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Wherever I damn well Please
Posts: 7,707
Default

Ice Ice Baby.........
Fred West going through his chest freezer

..............

I approached a lady at the bar last night and asked.
"Can I buy you a drink?"
"Hmm," she smiled, "What's in it for me?"
"Rohypnol," I replied.

..............

My wife had her first hot flush this morning.
That's Polish plumbers for you.

..............

Two elderly ladies are enjoying a cup of tea when one says "I'm going to get a boob job"
The other says "That's nothing, I'm going to get my arsehole bleached"
The first one replies, "You know, I can't imagine your husband liking his hair being blonde"

.............

I pulled up next to a 7 year old on his way home from school today. "I'll give you a bag of sweets if you get into the car." I said. "No thanks. And I don't want your sweets." He replied. "Oh come on." I asked. "How about a bag of sweets and a tenner?" "No! Fuck off you nonce!" He shouted. "Ok look, how about two bags of sweets and twenty quid?" I said. "For fucks sake! No!" He replied. "Dad, I Love you, but I am not getting into your Reliant Robin."

..............

The wife and I were walking home from the pub when I saw a filthy white van. I walked over to it and wrote, "I wish my wife was this dirty!" She said, "That's disgusting. It just proves what a pervert you are." I said, "Calm down love. It's only a joke." She said, "I know that, but you didn't need to write it with your cock."

..............

Knock knock.
"Who's there?"
"Dejav."
"Dejav who?"
Knock knock.

..............

Last night I had a dream about shagging my best mate from behind.
I think it's my subconscious trying to tell me he's gay.

..............

__________________
Been riding for 40 years and my arse is really sore
Reply With Quote