Thread: joke of the day
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Old 16-10-2017, 05:23 PM
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Sir Ewok Sir Ewok is offline
Talk, Type, Breath, Talk, Type, Breath....
 
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Wherever I damn well Please
Posts: 7,766
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What gets longer when it's pulled..
Fits between breasts..
Inserts neatly into a hole..
And works best when jerked?
A seat belt.

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“We never had a TV in the family when I was younger” said my grandad.
“Well you have now” I said as I adjusted my dress.

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I said to my Doctor "You’ve got to help me, I’m addicted to Twitter!"
Doctor: I don’t follow you.

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I bumped into an old school mate yesterday, I said, "Blimey, I've not seen you for donkey's years, how are you and what are you up to nowadays"? He said "I'm fine, at the moment I help giving out clothes to poor people" I said "That's great, a very charitable job" He replied "No, not really, I work as a checkout assistant in Primark"

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I had five hundred Kit Kats in my fridge and my mate had one in his. I pressured him into giving his to a homeless person.
That's basically how celebrity charity appeals work.

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With these strong winds, I’m worried about the caravan's in my garden.
They weren’t there this morning.

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Trump already offering help to storm victims in Peurto Sligo

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What's the difference between cigarettes and Eastern European murderers? You can only bring 200 cigarettes into the UK before the authorities start asking questions!

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