Thread: joke of the day
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Old 10-10-2017, 07:18 PM
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Sir Ewok Sir Ewok is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2004
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The wife said she wanted to go & see Jeremy Kyle live for her birthday.
So I got her sister pregnant!
We're on next Wednesday!

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Can someone tell me who played Forrest Gump?
T.hanks.

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Trying to book flights to Moscow for the World Cup next summer. All the flights from Heathrow and Gatwick are fully booked.
Then I found out there are loads of flights available from Glasgow airport.

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"I'm proud to be Asian." Said the Asian.
"I'm proud to be black." Said the African.
"I'm proud to be white." Said the racist.

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I recorded the England game from last night and it played on fast forward without me realising.
It was almost like watching a normal game.

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Got an e-mail today from a "bored housewife 32, looking for some action!" I've sent her my ironing, that'll keep her busy.

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The Police called me today to tell me that my wife was in a serious car accident.
"Oh my God! Is she ok?" I asked
"Well she has a couple of big bumps and a huge gash" said the copper
"I know she has, but is she injured?"

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I was telling my mate that I saw a woman pushed in front of a train this morning.
"Oh my God! Was it moving?" he asked.
I said "Well a few on-lookers were crying but I was fine."

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I was just leaving the McDonald's car park when my son said "Dad, why is that dog on top of the other one?"
I said "They're making beautiful tender love" as I pulled the car up.
"Is that how you and mummy made me?" he asked.
I said "Yes. In this very car park while people watched"

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So the fifth round of brexit negotiations get underway in Brussels this week . If past form is anything to go by, we should reach the semi-finals then get knocked out on penalties.

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With Hugh Hefners death the Qur'an have changed their pledge on 72 Virgins to used only once.

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Trump proposes ‘IQ tests’ face-off with Tillerson, after secretary of state calls him a ‘moron’.
I'm actually surprised Trump can spell 'IQ' .

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