Thread: joke of the day
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Old 09-10-2017, 07:19 PM
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Sir Ewok Sir Ewok is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2004
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A woman walked into a library & asked for a book on euphemisms.
The librarian took her up the rear aisle and let her have it.

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What do you call a Scotsman at the World Cup?
Ref.

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RUSSIANS: Want to get away from all the world cup fuss next June?
Try a holiday in Scotland.

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I see Scotland are out.
Mind you, I thought the bright pink kit was a bit of a give-away.

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My wife's really worried about another terrorist bombing and she doesn't want our daughter to go to the upcoming Lady Gaga concert.
"There's no need to worry," I said to her, "Every single person in there will have their eyes on that suspicious package on stage."

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What do you call an Irish Rastafarian?
Eamon.

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I just watched a documentary about Adolf Hitler.
He sure was a popular guy.
Everywhere he went, people shouted "Hi Hitler" and gave him a little wave.

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I was stood in front of my wife's hospital bed and turned to the Doctor. 'Look' I said, 'I know she's my wife, but I can't bear to see her in pain, you have my permission to switch off life support'.
My wife slowly turned her head looked at me and said 'Fuck right off Dave, it's only an ingrowing toe nail'.

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Unexpected item in the baggage area.
That would be a fucking real life cashier then?

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The van was overloaded and listing to the left when we got pulled over. "Would you follow me?" said the copper. "I have reason to believe you're overweight....."
"Don't you fucking start as well," snarled my wife.

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