Thread: joke of the day
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Old 07-10-2017, 06:12 PM
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Sir Ewok Sir Ewok is offline
Talk, Type, Breath, Talk, Type, Breath....
 
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Wherever I damn well Please
Posts: 7,775
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My old man would never go down without a fight.
That's why I'd never get in a lift with him.

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My daughter said, "Dad, can my boyfriend stay over tonight?"
I said, "Can he fuck!"
She said, "Like a rabbit!"

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They should make another Taken movie, about Liam Neeson being underappreciated for trying to keep his family safe.
"Taken 4: Granted"

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What do you call a Scotsman with diarrhea?
Bravefart.

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I work with a Chinese guy called Kim and one time at a works function, we were having a drink and I said to him "Do you ever get fed up of us Westerners saying that all Chinese people look the same"?
He replied "Kim's at the bar getting drinks, I'm his wife"

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In wake of his passing I hear they are releasing some old Tom Petty and Johnny Cash collaborations.
Just need to come up with a catchy name for them....

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I'd like to thank the girl with no sports bra who ran with me through the last few miles of yesterday's marathon.
Your lack of support got me through.

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News: Women now allowed to drive in Saudi Arabia.
Just a few short years after cars were allowed to drive themselves.

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The other day I got pulled over by a cop. When he walked up, I pulled out my 9mm.
Once he stopped laughing, he wrote me up for indecent exposure.

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Breaking News: Nicola Sturgeon has declared independence in Caledonia !

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Suffering from OCD nearly drove me to kill myself; Fortunately , I could never write a suicide note I was entirely happy with.

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Just had that difficult conversation with my kids about internet porn.
All I could manage was, "I was young, needed the money and it was cold."

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Gay marriage.
For those of you confused about the idea, it's like normal marriage but with blowjobs, anal and less arguments about who left the toilet seat up.

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My wife is registered disabled. When she was asked for proof her of disability recently she showed our marriage certificate.

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