Thread: joke of the day
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Old 04-10-2017, 03:45 PM
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Sir Ewok Sir Ewok is offline
Talk, Type, Breath, Talk, Type, Breath....
 
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Wherever I damn well Please
Posts: 7,604
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Last time I was someone's type...
I was donating blood.

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My mate lost an arm to a snake bite.
He had twelve pints and fell through a window.

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Apparently on FIFA 18 to score an over-head kick with your left foot you have to do a 'Stan Collymore'.

Hit the 'X' repeatedly.

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I am now worried that the entire 2nd amendment was based on a spelling mistake by a guy who just wanted the right to wear a sleeveless top...

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One good thing to come out of the Las Vegas shooting.
My wife wanted to go line dancing, but I told her we'd better not risk it.

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ISIS: 0
One old, fat, white guy: 527
Showing them how it's done in America.

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'Guns don't kill people. People kill people'. Yes, but it'd be a lot harder for people to kill people if they didn't have fucking guns!

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Me and my mates out on a Friday night have started playing the Pistorius drinking game.
When someone goes to the toilet you have to take four shots.

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Jehovah's witnesses don't celebrate Halloween.
I guess they don't appreciate random people coming to their door?

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My Uncle had his tongue shot off during World War II.
He doesn't talk about it, though.

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'Woman accused of snorting dead woman's ashes at house party.'
It's claimed she snorted half a gran...

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Theresa May's speech interrupted by a guy who hands her a P45.
There's no joke involved, that guy is just my new fucking hero and deserves recognition.

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The symptoms of diabetes are: excessive urination (especially at night), increased thirst, tiredness, genital itching and blurred vision.
Fuck me, I've been a diabetic every Friday night for years.

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