Thread: joke of the day
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Old 28-09-2017, 03:14 PM
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Sir Ewok Sir Ewok is offline
Talk, Type, Breath, Talk, Type, Breath....
 
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Wherever I damn well Please
Posts: 7,621
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My sexual fetishes have slowly been getting more perverse.
It wasn't until I spanked a statue that I realised I had hit rock bottom.

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In the same week that Uber lose their licence to trade in London, Ryanair announce they're taking on 125 new pilots.

Worrying?

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Don't forget as winter will soon be upon us and our native birds are finding food scarce. Please go to the pet shop and buy a mesh and a bag of nuts for our feathered friends. There is no finer sight on a winter's morning than a pair of tits around your nutbag.

Just remember however, it's a bit too late in the year to expect a swallow.

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"For fucks sake, " I can't read this, " said the minister as he read the script for Hugh Hefner's eulogy.
"Why not?" asked the undertaker.
"Because the fucking pages are stuck together, " replied the minister!

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Women always think they're right. I bought my 10-year-old some socks for his birthday, and the wife said, "Don't just wrap them, put them in a box it will look better." Well, she was wrong, it didn't help at all if the look on his face when he first saw the PlayStation box containing the socks was anything to go by!

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So, Saudi women are finally being allowed to drive.
I suppose the car of choice will be a 911....

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My 13-year-old son came home from school today and said, "Dad, can I ask you a question?"
"Sure," I replied. "What is it?"
He said, "There's a pretty girl in my class who keeps flirting with me. She has great tits and is dirty as hell, but she has a boyfriend. What would you do if you were in my situation?"
"About 4 years in prison," I replied.

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Why are people who are "born again" generally people who shouldn't of been born in the first place?

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Hugh Hefner RIP
Thanks for the mammaries.

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What's the difference between "slightly open" and "ajar"?
I didn't have to go to A&E and 3 in the morning with "slightly open" wedged in my rectum.

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Some bloke started talking to me in the pub last night.
"My mate came off his motorbike today." he said.
"Oh really?" I asked.
"Yes," he replied, "He has slight brain damage, two broken arms and is completely blind in one eye."
"Fuck me," I said, "No wonder he came off it then."

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Now Hugh Hefner has died millions of men have come forward saying he made them touch themselves when they were younger.

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"Not Wally, Not Wally, Not Wally, Not Wally, Not Wally, Not Wally, Not Wally, Not Wally, Wally, Not Wally..."
Where's Wally Audiobook

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My Boss described me as "one to watch" in our office.
Sadly, he was talking to Security at the time.

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