Thread: joke of the day
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Old 25-09-2017, 12:30 PM
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Sir Ewok Sir Ewok is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2004
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ITV1+1
So that people on benefits don't have to get up so early to watch Jeremy Kyle.

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Q) Who’s the coolest person in a hospital?

A) The ultra sound guy.

And when he's on holiday it's the hip replacement guy.

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How do you weigh a chilli pepper?
Give it a weigh, give it a weigh, give it a weigh now!

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Sometimes I wonder how vegans can survive off what little they can eat?.. Then I remember they just feed off attention.

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Ran into my ex today.
She wondered if we'd ever get back together someday.
I doubt it -- I'm sober now.

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Have you ever noticed that if Britain goes 5 days without an Islamic terrorist attack, the threat level drops to 'Who Gives a Fuck'?

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What is the most competitive event at the Invictus games?
The scramble for the 6 disabled parking spaces outside the stadium.

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I got attacked by 3 guys last night while walking home, luckily I managed to knock one out.
Not the best time for a wank - but I thought it might be my last!

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I hired a German plumber to install a new shower.
Hooked it up to the gas supply, looks like old habits die hard.

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MPs are debating whether to rename the August Bank Holiday after the late Margaret Thatcher.
I think it's a great idea.
I can't think of a better reminder of her legacy than telling people not to bother coming in to work on Monday.

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Santa Claus has been asked if he wants to be buried when he dies.
He said , No , he'd prefer to go up the chimney.

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When I first met my wife all she wanted to do was fuck me and wank me off. Now all she does is call me a wanker and tell me to fuck off.

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