Thread: joke of the day
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Old 22-09-2017, 03:42 PM
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Sir Ewok Sir Ewok is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2004
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A lot of women turn into good drivers…
So if you’re a good driver, watch out for women who are turning.

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Wife said "if u get a tattoo make sure u have it done in a place that doesn't matter"
So I’m off to Norwich...

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What do you call a Scottish man who works in a cloakroom?
Angus McCoatup

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Madness are releasing a charity record for the victims of the Caribbean hurricane.
It's called, "Our house, in the middle of someone else's street."

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A bloke I know had a terrible accident at work, he fell into an industrial grinder... He's fine now.

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I was once abducted by aliens.
They made me wipe my face, blow my nose and eat my greens.
I think I was on board the mothership.

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Reporter to the leader of China: "Is China concerned about the narcissistic megalomaniac with his finger on the nuclear button?
Leader of China: "Of course we are, but we're also worried about the other nutter in North Korea."

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My mum's starsign was cancer, pretty ironic how she died...
She was eaten by a giant crab.

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Why have Rangers got more fans than Celtic? Because its far easier to shout "Fuck the Pope" than it is to shout "Fuck the Moderator of the Free Church of Scotland."

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Sex with me is like a game of chess.
It usually involves two old men in a park.

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My wife wanted to spice up our relationship with role play.
She pretended to be a naughty schoolgirl and I pretended to be interested.

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