Thread: joke of the day
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Old 31-10-2015, 01:16 PM
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Sir Ewok Sir Ewok is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2004
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My wife says sex with a cucumber is just as good as the real thing.

I disagree. It took me three hours for my cock to break through the skin.

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The wife chose the wrong night to have a heart attack.


When the sexy paramedic arrived, I sent her away with a handful of sweets.

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So human DNA found in pork sausages,
How did that get there DAVID CAMERON?

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I've been showing mental patients Alfred Hitchcock films all day.

I'm a Psychotherapist.

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The Scottish Premier is to start using goal-line technology.

It's expected Och Aye will be installed at all grounds in time for next season

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Argentina are to invade third place saying that because they played in the match they have a legitimate claim

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A job interview is all about confidence.

So I swaggered in a day late.

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I think the recent dip in Math scores of American students can be attributed to the general belief that its problems are usually not in touch with reality.

Luckily, it can be easily addressed with questions like, 'If Andrew fires four rounds from his gun and two hit Susie and one flies out of the window, how many bullets are still left in the magazine?'.

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Bringing up Baby: A cannibal mother's struggles with bulimia

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Did you know..
If all the pretty girls from Northampton were laid end to end.
I'd shag both of them.

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My wife is going as a nurse on Halloween.

She's learnt Ghanaian and bought a tin of boot polish.

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My wife asked me to dry the dog after its bath.

Totally ruined the microwave.

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What's better than winning Gold in the Paralympics?

Not stepping on the landmine in the first place.

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If you want to change the world,do it while you're a bachelor,because once you're married you can't even change the tv channel.

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I went to the library and asked if they had a book on football

The librarian replied "yes we do actually....currently we have Man City at 5/6 to win the Premiership"

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I've spent many days this summer sat around a load of burning meat, getting suitably shitfaced while trading insults with the wife and picking fights with family members.

That's how we do cremations up north.

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