Thread: joke of the day
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Old 30-10-2015, 01:38 PM
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Sir Ewok Sir Ewok is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2004
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It's all fun and games until grandpa has a flashback during Battleships.

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If you put an infinite number of monkeys in front of of an infinite number of typewriters , they would probably have published the Chilcot enquiry by now.

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I tried my first Irish cream after church today.

Or at least that's what Father O' Brien calls it.

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After my first five sessions of therapy, my shrink said he thinks I'll only need five more sessions and I'll be cured of my random impulses to shout out lyrics from Bon Jovi songs.

Woah! We're halfway there...

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Was reading in the Express a list of eleven things you should NEVER do in Saudi Arabia or you could be risking your LIFE

So I've made my own list of one thing you should never do. Visit Saudi Arabia.

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Women are looking for two things in a man; his own home and his own car.

And I tick both boxes, I live in my car.

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I've sacked my tennis doubles partner.

I told him his services were no longer required.

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Since this Halloween is my Dad's 50th, I'm going to dress up as him. Should give my mum a good scare considering he's been dead for 4 years.

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Just seen that Caitlyn Jenner has been voted as one of the Women Of The Year by Glamour Magazine.

Surely it would have been better to let her win "Best Newcomer"?

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In the news...Vigil held for stabbed teenager.

"Looks like there will be one less character in the next Thunderbirds series then?"

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Britain hasn't produced a decent white boxer in years.

Bloody foreigners, coming over here stealing our jabs.

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I once played Rugby for WASPS in the B team

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There's a new video online of a jihadi getting fucked by some silverbacks...

'Gorillas in the Islamist'

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"I thought you were going to decorate the pumpkins?"
"I have"
"They're orange and faceless?"
"Exactly, it's the cast of Towie"

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My sister likes to break the ice on a date by telling them she's bi......she likes to leave it a few days to add the polar bit !!

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I went to the fancy dress shop earlier to buy a dracula costume and the girl behind the counter gave me a Liverpool shirt.
"Sorry love," I said, "I think you misunderstood me. I said I wanted to look like a count."

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My son came home tonight and said, "Dad, this is my friend Billy, he's got Down's Syndrome."

I said, "Thank God for that, I thought he was a Liverpool supporter for a minute."

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I am so poor, I can't even pay attention

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got told today i couldnt win best halloween outfit because i never turned up,

you should have saw the look on there face when i said "i was maddeline mccann but"

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