Thread: joke of the day
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Old 30-12-2014, 12:12 PM
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kidhaf kidhaf is offline
Billy No Mates (only virtual ones!)
 
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: Glasgow
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I've accidentally swallowed some Scrabble tiles. My next crap could spell disaster.

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Went out last night and got really wasted. I woke up this morning next to a fat old bird who was snoring and farting...so, at least I got home last night.

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Angela Merkel arrives at Passport Control in Athens airport.

"Nationality?" asked the immigration officer.

"German", she replies

"Occupation?"

"No, just for a few days."

****************************************

As the coffin was being lowered into the ground at the Traffic wardens funeral, a voice from inside screams: "I'm not dead, I'm not dead, Let me out!"

The vicar smiles, leans forward, sucking in air through his teeth and mutters,

"To late, mate, the paperworks already been done."

*************************************************

I spent a couple of hours defrosting the fridge last night.

Or *foreplay* as she likes to call it.

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A young man came home last night and proudly announced to his dad that he had had S E X for the first time.

He said "I hope you took precautions?"

"What do you mean?" the lad asked.

"Did you wear a condom?"

"Nah, but I kept my balaclava on."

************************************************

"Jesus Loves You"

Nice to hear in a church but not in a Mexican prison.

*************************************************

Got caught having a pee in the local swimming pool today.

The lifeguard shouted at me so loudly I nearly fell in.
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