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Search: Posts Made By: Sir Ewok
Forum: Down The Pub Today, 05:48 PM
Replies: 1,320
Sticky: joke of the day
Views: 130,092
Posted By Sir Ewok
Naked man arrives at a fancy dress with a girl on...

Naked man arrives at a fancy dress with a girl on his back
"I'm a turtle" he says
Oh.. Who's on your back?
"That's Michelle" he replies

...............

Last year I left my Christmas shopping...
Forum: Down The Pub Today, 05:11 PM
Replies: 847
Views: 12,119
Posted By Sir Ewok
Nurse!!! Fetch the Friars medication....Stat! ...

Nurse!!! Fetch the Friars medication....Stat!

https://youtu.be/GmjrT9NKzlY

https://youtu.be/PxOWlqod4Mg

https://youtu.be/E_8IXx4tsus
Forum: Down The Pub Yesterday, 06:53 PM
Replies: 1,320
Sticky: joke of the day
Views: 130,092
Posted By Sir Ewok
Following a sexist joke I made the other day, the...

Following a sexist joke I made the other day, the Feminist Society now has my address.
Fortunately none of them can read a map!

................

Proud to say I did my first book signing in...
Forum: Down The Pub Yesterday, 06:18 PM
Replies: 847
Views: 12,119
Posted By Sir Ewok
Isn't it odd how songs that everybody hated...

Isn't it odd how songs that everybody hated (including me) managed to get so high in the charts, must have had big families buying in bulk......:eek:

https://youtu.be/5wBTdfAkqGU
...
Forum: Down The Pub Yesterday, 06:11 PM
Replies: 3,487
Views: 183,486
Posted By Sir Ewok
Where live, a London overspill area built in the...

Where live, a London overspill area built in the 70/80's, the housing was built to the cheapest standard possible and they got through contractors like an alky locked in an off-license. The smaller...
Forum: Down The Pub Yesterday, 06:05 PM
Replies: 23
Views: 202
Posted By Sir Ewok
Been pissing with rain here and all the ice and...

Been pissing with rain here and all the ice and snow is gone......
Forum: Down The Pub Yesterday, 06:03 PM
Replies: 20
Views: 229
Posted By Sir Ewok
Quite right the site manager got a serious...

Quite right the site manager got a serious bollocking, pool vehicles should be logged so the company can prove that a properly licensed driver was in charge of the vehicle in case of an accident....
Forum: Down The Pub 12-12-2017, 05:38 PM
Replies: 1,320
Sticky: joke of the day
Views: 130,092
Posted By Sir Ewok
What's frozen, flies through the air on a snowy...

What's frozen, flies through the air on a snowy winters night and can maim or kill you?
My fucking laptop!

..............

"What did your wife say when she caught you in bed with her sister?"...
Forum: Down The Pub 12-12-2017, 04:58 PM
Replies: 847
Views: 12,119
Posted By Sir Ewok
https://youtu.be/K5F05n2k3iM ...

https://youtu.be/K5F05n2k3iM

https://youtu.be/TWoFl_0UtjQ

https://youtu.be/DFPu83ggTlM
Forum: Down The Pub 12-12-2017, 04:43 PM
Replies: 3,487
Views: 183,486
Posted By Sir Ewok
I live on what is known as the 'Eastern District'...

I live on what is known as the 'Eastern District' and every road ends in a steep up or downhill gradient, bloody scary when you try to stop/pullout into traffic. At the end of the main road is a...
Forum: Down The Pub 11-12-2017, 08:05 PM
Replies: 1,320
Sticky: joke of the day
Views: 130,092
Posted By Sir Ewok
My life completely changed after I learned Morse...

My life completely changed after I learned Morse Code.
Last night I couldn't fall asleep because the rain kept telling me to go fuck myself.

................

My friend can only sleep on stacks...
Forum: Down The Pub 11-12-2017, 07:48 PM
Replies: 847
Views: 12,119
Posted By Sir Ewok
Not singing Ra Ra Rasputin I hope.....:D ...

Not singing Ra Ra Rasputin I hope.....:D

https://youtu.be/nxtIRArhVD4

https://youtu.be/CYZ5XoHxC3I

https://youtu.be/CqLdDKy2XUQ
Forum: Down The Pub 11-12-2017, 07:43 PM
Replies: 23
Views: 202
Posted By Sir Ewok
Good luck with the exercise, you could also do...

Good luck with the exercise, you could also do the rowing machine if it is the one with the bit that looks like an extendable washing line...... 1 degree centigrade is equivalent to a Diana ross.:o
Forum: Down The Pub 11-12-2017, 07:41 PM
Replies: 3,487
Views: 183,486
Posted By Sir Ewok
24 hours here in Northampton and it will freeze...

24 hours here in Northampton and it will freeze tonight into a nice icy crust.:eek:
Forum: Down The Pub 10-12-2017, 04:37 PM
Replies: 1,320
Sticky: joke of the day
Views: 130,092
Posted By Sir Ewok
I was so cold today that my jaw started to...

I was so cold today that my jaw started to freeze...
So I gritted my teeth.

...............

I caught the wife masturbating during a Rowan Atkinson movie earlier.
She loves a good Bean flick....
Forum: Down The Pub 10-12-2017, 03:55 PM
Replies: 847
Views: 12,119
Posted By Sir Ewok
https://youtu.be/RgbKKZWZuQo ...

https://youtu.be/RgbKKZWZuQo

https://youtu.be/lcWVL4B-4pI

https://youtu.be/zwT6DZCQi9k
Forum: Down The Pub 10-12-2017, 03:50 PM
Replies: 23
Views: 202
Posted By Sir Ewok
Centigrade, though I do walks for charity this...

Centigrade, though I do walks for charity this was my usual 10K Saturday walk I do on the way home from visiting my son. I have collected 15 medals so far this year with one more to do this month...
Forum: Down The Pub 10-12-2017, 03:45 PM
Replies: 20
Views: 229
Posted By Sir Ewok
Not always managed to get away with one, but it...

Not always managed to get away with one, but it is very difficult (or you need to be lucky) to do it.......
Forum: Down The Pub 09-12-2017, 07:39 PM
Replies: 1,320
Sticky: joke of the day
Views: 130,092
Posted By Sir Ewok
Heard someone moaning about Iceland selling...

Heard someone moaning about Iceland selling reindeer steak earlier, but no-one ever complains about Lidl donkey.

.................

My girlfriend wanted me to be more like her ex.
So I dumped...
Forum: Down The Pub 09-12-2017, 07:03 PM
Replies: 847
Views: 12,119
Posted By Sir Ewok
WTF? Wrong Bitch.......:eek: Still, Smoke weed...

WTF? Wrong Bitch.......:eek: Still, Smoke weed and eat pussy seems a good idea!

https://youtu.be/ejorQVy3m8E

https://youtu.be/kM-y1a1oeCo

https://youtu.be/OzpXuRCBgsM
Forum: Down The Pub 09-12-2017, 06:55 PM
Replies: 23
Views: 202
Posted By Sir Ewok
Finished my 10K Saturday walk today around 16:15...

Finished my 10K Saturday walk today around 16:15 and the car dash said it was 4 degrees, about the same temperature as a fridge.:D
Forum: Down The Pub 09-12-2017, 06:45 PM
Replies: 20
Views: 229
Posted By Sir Ewok
If there are no signs, then there should be some...

If there are no signs, then there should be some on the vehicle but I always thought they were mandatory to make the 'pinch' legal. |However the Police and Council don't seem to require themselves to...
Forum: Down The Pub 09-12-2017, 06:43 PM
Replies: 3,487
Views: 183,486
Posted By Sir Ewok
The Government's definition of 'Affordable' is...

The Government's definition of 'Affordable' is 20% below market price, which just means the builder puts up the price of the non-affordable homes, so you end up paying more overall. My own home is...
Forum: Down The Pub 08-12-2017, 07:17 PM
Replies: 1,320
Sticky: joke of the day
Views: 130,092
Posted By Sir Ewok
I showed some hard cunt at the pub what I was...

I showed some hard cunt at the pub what I was made of.
Fragile bones and lots of blood.

...............

As I answered the front door dressed in high heels, stockings & suspenders, leather mini...
Forum: Down The Pub 08-12-2017, 06:47 PM
Replies: 847
Views: 12,119
Posted By Sir Ewok
https://youtu.be/Mpeec901N2w ...

https://youtu.be/Mpeec901N2w

https://youtu.be/Mpeec901N2w

https://youtu.be/ETSl8gWsFZ0
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