Friday Jokes

[Cook1e]

A man and a woman, who have never met before, but are
both married to other people, found themselves assigned to
the same sleeping compartment on a overnight train. Though initially
embarrassed and uneasy over sharing a room, they were both very
tired and fell asleep quickly...he in the upper bunk and she in the
lower.

At 1:00 AM, the man leaned over and gently woke the
woman saying, Ma'am, I'm sorry to bother you, but would you
be willing to reach into the closet to get me a second blanket? I'm
awfully cold."

"I have a better idea," she replied. "Just for tonight, let's
pretend that we're married."

"Wow! That's a great idea!" he exclaimed.

"Good," she replied. "Get your own damn blanket!"

After a moment of silence, he farted.

[UKRobKLR650]

2 muslims go into a camping shop to try on new ruck sacks. One turns to the other and says "does my bomb look big in this?"

[rommel]

very good, very true :D

[Cook1e]

2 palastinians fathers talking
The 1st Father says "this is a picture of my 1st son, he is a martyr "
The 2nd father says " this is a picture of MY 1st son, he is also a martyr "
The 1st Father says " this is a picture of my 2nd son, he is a martyr too "
The 2nd father says " this is a picture of MY 2nd son, he is also a martyr "

"Boys", says the 1st Fther reflectively "they blow up so quickly these days"

[rommel]

I like :D :D :D

[Cook1e]

A rabbi got onto a plane and took the last seat available, surrounded by Muslims. There was an uncomfortable silence, but the rabbi took off his shoes and settled in for the flight.

After takeoff, there were several minutes of whispers and note passing. The rabbi broke the ice. "I'm getting a Coke. Can I get you all a Coke, too?"

While he was gone, the Muslims each spit in his shoes. He returned with the drinks and the rest of the flight was more relaxed. As the plane landed, the rabbi put on his shoes and realized at once what had happened.

"When?" he cried, "will we stop spitting in shoes and peeing in Cokes?"

[Cook1e]

A marketing consultant hired at KFC got an audience with the Pope and offered him a million dollars if he would change the Lord's Prayer from "give us this day our daily bread," to "give us this day our daily chicken".

The Pope refused the offer.

Two weeks later the consultant offered 10 million, but the Pope refused again. Another week later the offer was increased to 20 million.

The Pope accepted.

The following day the Pope briefed his staff. "I have some good news and some bad news," he said. "The good news is that we have just received 20 million dollars. The bad news is that we've lost the Hovis account."

[Cook1e]

A lady goes to her priest one day and tells him, "Father, I have a problem. I have two female parrots, but they only know how to say one thing."

"What do they say?" the priest inquired.

They say, "Hi, we're hookers. Do you want to have some fun?"

"That's obscene!" the priest exclaimed; then he thought for a moment.

"You know," he said, "I may have a solution to your problem. I have two male talking parrots which I have taught to pray and read the Bible. Bring your two parrots over to my house, and we'll put themin the cage with Frank and Jacob. My parrots can teach your parrots to pray and worship, and your parrots are sure to stop saying that phrase in no time."

"Thank you," the woman responded. "This may very well be the solution."

The next day, she brought her female parrots to the priest's house. As he ushered her in, she saw that his two male parrots were inside their cage, holding rosary beads and praying. Impressed, she walked over and placed her parrots in with them.

After a few minutes, the female parrots cried out in unison, "Hi, we're hookers! Do you want to have some fun?"

There was stunned silence. Shocked, one male parrot looked over at the other male parrot and exclaimed, "Put the beads away, Frank. Our prayers have been answered!"

[Cook1e]

An Indian man dies and arrives at the Pearly Gates.

"Yes, how can I help?" asks St Peter.

"I'm here to meet Jesus," says the Indian man.

St Peter looks over his shoulder and shouts, "Jesus, your cab is here!"